The Work of Warriors

Kim Rapach (00:02.496)
Ais Morozek, I'm so excited that you said yes to this invitation. Thank you for being here. It's hard to contain the smile on my face. You are an actor and director and the creator and director of About Him and Her, which is one of my new favorite films. And we can talk about that a little more. I'm wondering, do you want to tell the story of how we met or should I?

Ice (00:32.89)
Um, all right, why don't you start? Why don't you start and maybe I'll chime in.

Kim Rapach (00:40.5)
Okay, so we were at the Julian Dubuque Film Festival in Iowa, of all places. And we were there, my husband and I were there with our son who is a young filmmaker. And we met you, we saw your film, we loved your film, we fell in love with you, but we were sitting around in one of the community areas, I think. And you just asked a very normal, common question, like, what is your connection to Mac?

and my husband.

Ice (01:10.742)
Wait, wait, I need to go back. Hold on a second. We were in like the little, I don't know what that's called, like the little meeting or like the gathering room or whatever, the little lounge, the lounge, the lounge. And there was a kid sitting there. He had black fingernail polish, kind of this long hair. And I said hi to him.

Kim Rapach (01:13.892)
Okay, I'm gonna add something, okay.

Kim Rapach (01:24.592)
Yeah, the lounge, yeah.

Ice (01:39.37)
and found out that he was a filmmaker. And it was kind of just reminded me of me when I was a kid, right? And so then I asked who these people were and he said that he just met you and Mike. And so for the next several days,

I kept seeing these two adults with this kid. Now I thought they were there supporting him, you know, because he was sitting down in the lounge and you guys were just kind of hanging out because he was there by himself. And then the next day I saw you with him and then the following day, and then every once in a while I would see you guys out and about, and I thought it was a little odd, and I wasn't too sure actually how I should take this because I started now studying this a little bit more. It's like, why are these two adults like aggressively hanging out with this kid?

And one thing's kind of cool to make sure he's okay, but after a while, let him be on his own. And I think it was that last day you guys were leaving and I talked about him going home and he's going back to Chicago where I'm from. So we're from Chicago. And then I was saying bye to you guys and you're saying you're going back to Chicago. And I said, how crazy is this? These two people who have been following this kid around are all going back to Chicago and apparently on the same plane. And then...

Uh, it's revealed to me that, um, you're his parents. And so this whole, this whole time, I actually thought you were just two adults following this kid around. Um, and I was actually starting to, you know, monitor this to try to figure out what do I need to do just in case you're going to like abduct this child or abuse this child, or I don't know what you're going to do, but it's like, that's hanging out with a kid too long. So that is.

That's when we realized it was actually his mom and dad.

Kim Rapach (03:37.032)
Oh my god, all this time I thought my husband said something weird, but it was my kid. Okay, well, either way, it makes sense.

Ice (03:43.102)
Yeah, he said, or maybe it was your husband, but I thought he said, I just met them. And that's that he was joking with me. He was, but I guess he assumed that once I saw you guys like several times that I would catch on that you're the parents, but my brain doesn't go like that. So I was just in protection mode. All right, this is weird and creepy. Like these guys won't leave him alone.

Kim Rapach (04:00.204)
Right?

Kim Rapach (04:07.964)
So the whole weekend you're keeping an eye on him. Yeah, you're keeping an eye on this poor kid over the weekend, making sure these two adults aren't like doing something nefarious. It's so funny. And then you came to Chicago because you were at another film festival with About Him and Her, which is your movie. And when we saw that, we're like, oh, it's our opportunity to see it again. And so we came out and saw it again. We did. We did.

Ice (04:13.426)
Yeah.

Ice (04:19.521)
Yeah.

Ice (04:29.054)
And you guys went again. Yes, that was that was. Yeah, that was beautiful.

Kim Rapach (04:36.04)
We did. Do you want to say a little bit about him and her? Do you want to tell us a little bit about that?

Ice (04:42.278)
Sure, it's based on a true story, something that happened to me in 1989, and it's a story about two strangers. He's in Chicago and she's in Michigan, and they meet via crossed phone lines. And it's really this story about connection and about love and what transpires during this chance meeting.

And I can't really say much more because you actually have to watch the movie to see what happens. It'll give it away if I say what happens. But it's a it's a it's a cool movie. It's finally out on Amazon Prime and been enjoying to know that it's out into the world and people are allowed to see it now. And I think that's it's kind of cool. It's kind of cool. Finally having complete strangers articulate their feelings about the movie and.

Kim Rapach (05:09.252)
Right? Right, right, right.

Ice (05:32.466)
especially when they mention something so beautiful, is very touching and inspiring. And it's cool for the people that don't like it and have some choice words for me. I rely on those in my tribe that love it and get it and want to champion it. So that's all really beautiful in many ways. But yeah, it's available in the United States and UK.

Kim Rapach (05:59.24)
Well, as somebody who graduated, what's that? Say that again.

Ice (06:03.463)
It's available in the United States and in the UK right now.

Kim Rapach (06:08.168)
Awesome. Well, somebody, I'm somebody who graduated high school in 89. So it hit directly in my heart. So I fell in love with it and I'm glad I got to see it a few times now. So, um, so I tell me, I mean, you know, my mission, right? I'm on a mission to ultimately, I would love it if we never had another celebrity suicide ever. I'm on a mission to end celebrity suicide. And one of the reasons is, yeah, I have a

Ice (06:15.565)
I love it.

Ice (06:25.623)
Yeah.

Ice (06:32.75)
For sure. Amen.

Kim Rapach (06:37.428)
kid in the industry and I was terrified to let him do the work. But it's we live in a world that says if you're famous, if you're successful, if you're on TV, then you've made it and you haven't made and you know as well as I do. That's not the case. That is a false narrative and you have personal experience and I'm wondering if you would just share with our listeners, maybe an adversity that you've overcome.

to give the rest of us hope and a window into the realities of what it's like to be an artist and a filmmaker and a director and all the things that you are.

Ice (07:15.79)
Sure. Well, there's a couple things I wanna share out with, but I wanna say is that a lot of people through my life would say to me, when I said that I was an actor or I'm a filmmaker, and they said, don't forget me when you're famous. And I would always look at them and I'd say, well, don't forget me if I'm not famous. And I think it starts to boil down.

and a lot of what my expectations were and what people expected of me. And I think that was a, it's been a long list of troubled years for me. But this is something really important that I want to share with you. And I think it's, I'm not too sure if I've actually said this and you know me, I'm a very emotional guy. Um, so, uh, I may not make it all the way through. So, um, hang in there with me as you always do. Uh, about a year ago, a little over a year ago, about a

in August was about a year I had a something major happen in my life that was a turning point for me and.

As much as I didn't want it to happen, I was left with no choice but this circumstance to happen with separating from a human being and having that, my dependent, dependency broken on that. And I don't think I had myself equipped to be able to handle not having a place to live.

having no money and as much as I knew that there was a few of them that wanted me to fail I was determined to make it. However, I was not equipped to handle that journey and I say that I wasn't at that time and I want to say that I am here on Mother Earth right now because of two people.

Ice (09:25.418)
And that is you, Kim, my brother Todd. If it wasn't for, I'm starting to shake, if it wasn't for the two of you, I'd not be living right now. And I am thankful and I am grateful. In my prayers, I'm always reminded to say one for you and for Todd. And there was a couple moments in my life a year ago.

where it was, it was lights out. It's all I could do. And I go back to say that when I knew there were people that wanted me to fail, I was determined. However, I was, it was false determination of the way I've been living my life. And not so much in the imposter syndrome, but I was not true. Not.

being the best version of who I am, and living in a lie, and not following my true passion as a human being, and professionally, and...

I couldn't see it clearly. I came to Chicago and you, I think that you started to understand that I was in a dark place and you said, Ice, I'm not too sure if you know what I do. And to be honest with you, even if you told me a hundred times, I probably wouldn't have heard it. And I don't know what I was hearing at any point in time, but all I know is whatever I heard, I created my own.

truth for whatever that was. You could say, the sky is blue and I'm saying the sky is red and that's what I heard you say. I don't, I didn't even know. And you told me, and I think that you possibly had an idea that I was in a troubled space and the waters were choppy for me. And you said to me, I'm gonna give you a free session. And...

Ice (11:40.182)
That meant the world to me. And we met via Zoom when I got back to LA. And not soon after that, you sent me a message and you said, and this was in August, you said, I'm gonna go to the rest of the year with you for free.

and I will tell you.

Ice (12:04.598)
That was...

That was one of the most beautiful words I ever heard.

Ice (12:15.37)
And we met weekly and I lived for it. You may not know it, but as I set up in my friend's room, as he, my buddy, Kevin, who gave me a place to stay for a couple of months, um, I, um, I battled. And when I didn't have you and those other moments, I had

someone that I didn't think was gonna be as powerful as he was gonna be and that was my brother. And.

Ice (12:52.666)
This second, at this moment, I can't tell you how beautiful my life is. And I'm far from perfect. And I'm, my situation is far from perfect. And I will tell you that it's amazing as I kind of look around and I'm in my apartment, I bought a Tesla for my birthday.

and I'm fighting like hell to make it happen. I've got a mission, I'm on a journey, and it's not easy. None of this is easy. It's hard, every day is hard, and it's a battle. But the beauty is that I don't have fear. I've got this amazing trust in God. I've spun my life around, and...

It's.

Ice (13:53.454)
I can't express the joy that I have, that I'm alive. And I don't even know what it would be like in the sense of to still be in that darkness, but how all this came about. And when I tell you how solid I am right now, it doesn't mean that I'm there. It doesn't mean that I've accomplished at all, but what it means is I took a moment.

Ice (14:23.626)
And after I spoke with you guys for a few minutes, when I felt like I was through it, I felt like I had an opportunity. And at a time when I felt like I didn't, it took a little while longer. And here's an example. You would send me things via email, and you would send me text messages and voice messages, sometimes just to check in, sometimes just to say hi, sometimes just to share some information.

And rather if I need a therapist or you would have a place to live constantly. And there's a stubbornness and I'll speak of myself only and not speak of in generalities, but there's a stubbornness that I had. Um, and it was built from fear. And I think it was part of the process of me sabotaging myself and sagging my tough sabotage myself for years upon years upon years. And

There was something, there's a specific moment, I don't know if you remember this, but you were mentioning Mel Robbins and said to listen to her podcast and you have had colleagues contact me and none of this stuff was really, I was ready for it. When I mean that by, not that I wasn't ready, I didn't know who to believe anymore. And I felt like

I don't even know if I trust God. I damn sure don't know if I trust you, but you are about the only one I really trust. And, but it was like, I didn't, what I didn't trust is I don't know, is the information you're gonna give me true? Like, I don't know, I'm so broken. I'm so beat down. Trying to figure out life and know what's right and wrong in the aspect of now that we live in this world of internet when you can say everything's beautiful and then the, you know, the person can say what's beautiful and not,

You know what I mean? It's almost like you can be an awesome chocolate chip cookie and someone's always gonna hate a chocolate chip cookie. You know, at the end of the day, it's like, okay, are chocolate chip cookies good or not? I don't know. And so I was kind of left in that space of didn't know. And several months after, and this was about, you know, maybe three, four months ago.

Ice (16:49.074)
I was out of these troubled waters, but I still had a lot of other things to deal with. And it was kind of in this process when I was talking with you, one of the things that I would try is to fix it all. And I remember I was smoking at the time, and I haven't smoked a cigarette in six months. I don't even care to smoke a cigarette. And you were like, no, stop trying to quit drinking, quit smoking, quit this, quit that. You're like, it's okay. And I'm like,

why are you telling me it's okay to smoke? First and foremost, it's bad for me and you should tell me not to do it. But really all you were trying to do is, is prioritize my needs. And right now if smoking a cigarette right now is part of my process to keep you alive, smoke the cigarette, I'm going to work on this other stuff right now because I was trying so bad to be perfect in the minute and it was never going to happen. And I realized that that's never going to happen and it is a slow progressive change. And however, um,

you start chipping away at a few things and a few more things will come into your life and you gotta start just chipping away at those. But it took me a minute, but I had to start somewhere. And again, if there's a hundred things on my list with this arbitrary number, I've got 40 done, right? And I've got 60 more to go. I wanna do them tonight, but I know that I can't. And however, I've gotta just keep slowly working at it. And this is part of the process for me.

And so a few months ago, I decided that I started to kind of invest in what you were talking about and some of the things that you were telling me because it became hard, especially when I was trying to find a therapist. And I would find one and then they would not be that great. And then they would say things that would be very, very like off putting for me. But just to find a therapist in this world. Everybody's booked.

There's no, like I couldn't find anyone and I had no money. So I had to find one that was on my MediCal or whatever. And then I was trying to think, okay, what can I pay? What sliding scale? And then I had to make sure that I really liked somebody. And so it was all of this stuff at one time, just trying to find a therapist, trying to figure out my life, trying to quit smoking, making sure that I'm not over drinking, I'm self-sabotaging, I don't wanna do drugs. And so I started investing a little bit more time in some of the podcasts that you shared and it was just,

Ice (19:16.286)
It was time then. And then I was able to hear kind of your language through some of these other outlets. And it wasn't too long ago, I decided that I needed to sit in silence.

and sit in true silence. And I wanted to listen to God. And I think that was the, one of the, I haven't talked to God in a long time. I've been too ashamed. I didn't feel like I was worthy to even speak to God, let alone pray. And,

And I wasn't like at my wits end where you would have thought I would have sat with God when I'm about ready to kill myself. It was, you know, almost a year later. And I sat with God and he just started talking to me. And I know it sounded hokey when people would say that and like, God's talking to you, you know, it's like, but for me, it's just sitting in true silence with no distractions and just listening. And

Ice (20:31.142)
I don't, and I think for anybody, you should sit in silence and listen. And if you don't believe in God, just listen. Maybe the universe will tell you to listen to God, maybe not, but whatever it is that you choose to believe in, because you can, you have that right, I just choose God. But whatever it is that you believe in, you should sit in silence and listen. And, and.

and then really heed those words and then try to move forward and navigate the best that you can appropriately with that and challenge yourself on doing that. And I think for me, that was one of the things is when I listened to God, I was like, okay. And I ended up volunteering with New Filmmakers LA that I do on a consistent basis. And I met this couple when I was volunteering there and I met this couple and they were their two kids. And I went up and introduced myself and said hi.

They found out that she's a writer and the kids are there because they love movies. And so yeah, and so we decided to go in strike and walk the line. And I was telling Danielle this story about my life. And then she was leaving and she said, well, you do know that

me and my husband are pastors of a church. And I was like, no, I don't. She's like, yeah, I told you. That's like, whatever you told me. I probably never heard anything of selfishly in a bad place. And she was, well, I'm not going to leave without praying for you. So she prayed. And I was in the process of looking for a church and looking for a home. And but I was very scared. And so they said they had a church and I ended up she ends up leaving and I ended up texting her.

and saying, you know, when's church and so on and so forth and what's the address. So I get the information and I spend about three hours vetting every single person in that church. And I'm not too sure if I've told you this, but not soon before I make my movie, you know, in 89 of that time is I was seeking God. And again, listening and talking to God. And I came across

Ice (22:55.286)
This is really kind of a cool story about be very brief. I was homeless in Chicago and I was walking the streets of downtown Chicago and I was asking God to show me a sign. If you could please show me a sign Lord, what my purpose of why I'm here, I wanna be an actor and I need information. And so I'm lo and behold, I'm walking in, it's late at night and this guy comes into my pathway and he says, hey, how you doing? I said, hey, I'm good. And.

I'm homeless, you know, and I'm just talking to God, trying to figure out where I'm gonna sleep, and show me some signs. And he started talking to me and he said, do you believe in Jesus? And I'm like, yes, of course I believe in Jesus. I mean, like, we're pretty tight. And so he gets to talking to me, and not soon after that, I'm looking over his shoulder, and there's a sign, a real sign.

and it says Ted List acting studio. And I was like, oh, hang on a second, God. Is my sign this man standing before me or is the sign the one that you brought the man to stand before me so I see it over his shoulder? And I was like, this is kind of crazy. So he just kind of goes in the Charlie Brown, and I don't know, I'm like, I think that's my sign. And then I thought, well, maybe.

They're both my sign. So, needs to say, I went to that acting studio. I ended up studying there at the Tedless Studio for a couple of years. However, the guy that stopped there, I ended up communicating with him, and he brought me to the church, and I was seeking God so bad that I was willing to do whatever was told to me to do. And it turns out that they were a bit aggressive.

And they were very cultish. And I couldn't listen to like the Beatles or the Rolling Stones. And I had to do certain things. And it's just it was like a cult. And when I called my family one night, and I was like, Hey, mom was like, why you living? You know what I mean? She's like, because I have to take care of your husband, my husband and you guys I'm like, no, you need to be living for God.

Ice (25:22.014)
And I got really just, and then I told my dad, get on the phone, dad, why are you living? And I got in this very preachy, spiritual, cultish way of, and my mom's like, Ice, what are you talking about? And I'm like, I come from a very religious background and family, and my mom's like, what are you talking about? And I just went crazy Bible talk on them. My mom's like, I'm coming out. And so my mom flies out to Chicago.

sets up a meeting with this guy. We're at my uncle's house and my mom says, ice go inside and I go inside and my uncle and my aunt say, yeah you might want to just stay here and so we kind of like listening you know through the screen door and my mom just rips this guy, rips this guy.

And she goes to town and pretty much says, I rebuke you Satan, you ever touch come near my child again. I will come and I will make your life miserable. And she was screaming at the top of her lungs. And I'm like, I don't know. And they're like, no, let your mom do what she needs to do. And at that moment, it was me understanding that I think my mom is right. And she brought it to my attention. Like this is not.

of God, right? And she needed to make sure that he was completely gone. So I, for months I was in this cult and, you know, abiding by what they said was God's, you know, rule and law. And, you know, I was like, I could never be that human being ever. And I don't even, yeah, whatever. So, but anyways, the reason that I told you that story, sorry, I forgot that I tell long stories. But anyways, the whole point, I'll shorten stuff up now. The whole point that I was telling you that story is that,

Kim Rapach (27:04.924)
Hahaha

Ice (27:12.798)
I was so frightened for anyone to say, come to my church or anything like that. It's like, go to your church. Like, okay, I'm going to vet you. So for three hours I'm vetting this whole church, everyone that's a part of this church, I'm like looking them up, looking up whatever, whatever they've been a part of. And so, um, I'm thinking, well, it seems okay. And so I went there and it turns out that, um, uh, Brian Heaney, um, the pastor of the sound church and I go to the one in Santa, Santa Ana, um, is a spectacular human being. Um,

right in line with how I really view Christianity and everything that I would really stand for, everything that I would actually believe is like, this is what church should be, he brought it. And it was another process and a part of my journey and my mission for what I'm trying to do that just landed at the perfect timing for me. And so I kind of now...

look back at all of this, excuse me, and I think how it started and the darkness that I was in and from you and my brother and to where I am now and having this church and really, really focusing in on living in a beautiful, compassionate and kind space, not only to other people, but mostly to myself. And how do I continue to be kind?

and compassionate to myself and knowing that I'm perfectly imperfect and it's okay. And I deal with a tremendous amount of insecurity and it has been the catalyst for my downfall for many, many years of my life. And once I was able to really start to recognize some truths about myself, I was able to handle them a little bit more appropriately knowing that

you know, suffering with really bad anxiety and depression and what people were calling mental wellness, which, you know, the mental illness, which I go back into, you know, Dr. Amon, even on the Mel Robbins podcast talks about brain wellness. And I look at this and it's like, yeah, I'm not mental. I don't have an illness. I've but I but I what I'm striving for is my brain wellness. This is going to be forever.

Ice (29:38.33)
It's not that I all of a sudden everything's perfect today and I have no problems tomorrow. I will have a problem later today, tomorrow, and so on and so forth. However, working into the power of the brain wellness and taking care of yourself, I can't begin to tell you how much easier it is that I navigate through some of the crazy, awful things this cruel, cruel world does.

and how I'm a part of it. And every day I'm a part of it. Every day it's a battle of just pain that people give to each other. And if I wasn't, I now look back of how I would handle situations. And I don't think I could ever get better as a human being knowing the way I used to handle it. And again, not that it's such a bad thing, but be rude to me, I'm gonna be rude to you. Piss me off, I'm gonna piss you off.

You know what I mean? And it's like, at the end of the day, I would carry negative energy on to the next moment, sometimes the next human being. And I would catch myself really just saying like, that was I was actually pretty rude to that person, you know, and I was like, well, they were kind of rude to me. But at the end of the day, like, what am I thinking here? Like, so now, there's just such a beauty. And it doesn't mean that I'm perfect every day. But however, I am more

I am more perfect than not with changing my behavior. And I'll make mistakes and it's okay. And it's okay for me to lose my cool. And it's okay for me to somehow flip someone off in traffic, you know what I mean? However, I just won't do it every day, every minute. But it's brutal. But I think there's a beauty of that. And I am so much more content and

Kim Rapach (31:25.02)
Well, you do live in LA. I mean, come on.

Ice (31:37.058)
happy with myself when I'm able just to say, that's okay, it's okay. You know what I mean? It's like, someone's being very rude to me today. And it's like, you know what? I'm gonna take a deep breath. I'm just gonna give you some love and kindness and compassion and you know what? Maybe they get it, maybe they receive it, maybe they don't. It's not for me to judge. It's not for me to figure out. It's not for me to ask. I just gotta do what I'm supposed to do. How am I supposed to serve? You can eat at my table.

Kim Rapach (32:04.712)
Yeah.

Ice (32:06.794)
I don't care what you believe, I don't care what you've done, I don't care who you are, because someone let me sit at their table. Jesus let me sit at his table, right? And that's the way I look at it. And to me, I felt, wow, I judge a lot. I compare a lot. Wow. And when I sat in silence and I continue to meditate and I continue to pray.

Kim Rapach (32:24.392)
Yeah.

Ice (32:35.778)
I see it more and more and more and more. It's like, oh my goodness. It's like, why? Why am I so, like, I'm mad at the person that, maybe I don't think is as good as me. And like, how are they successful? And why are they successful? They suck at that. What am I doing? That's not my place. You know, it's not my place.

Kim Rapach (32:59.56)
Well, don't you think like the more attuned you are to yourself and the kinder, like, you know, I was so glad when you said, I have to be kind and compassionate with myself. And you know, I always say like, stay curious and compassionate with yourself and others, right? Because it just gives us so much more peace. But when we're not there and we're not self-attuned and we're not being kind and curious and compassionate with ourselves, I think that's where we end up.

Ice (33:13.602)
Yep.

Kim Rapach (33:27.144)
projecting onto other people and judging and getting jealous and having all these assumptions and taking things personal. And those are things that I struggle with, taking things personal and making assumptions. When I can remember not to do those, I'm like, oh, okay, it just brings me so much peace. But I wanna go back to, first of all, thank you for everything that you said about just how we met and our time together. And like you were just saying,

Ice (33:29.61)
100, yeah.

Kim Rapach (33:56.824)
I'm just supposed to do what I'm called to do. And this is what I'm asked to do to serve. And sometimes, yeah, I just feel like, God, the universe puts a person in my path, a very special person that I just can't walk away from. And of course, I'm committed to taking care of myself first. But it, you know, it was an honor to walk that journey with you. And it brings me, I mean,

I don't say it brings me joy. Like I don't even have words for the amount of joy that I have to see you, you know, just thriving. And I love that you're saying like, it has little to nothing to do with the career success, right? Like that will come. But you said, you know, I'm, I wasn't living true to my, myself or something. How did you say that? You said, I wasn't living true to what I really.

Ice (34:39.061)
Exactly.

Kim Rapach (34:53.444)
wanted personally, or I wasn't being true to my core. And I just, I wanted to ask you, Ice, like who are you at your core? If you were to fall down today, emotionally, and I had to, you know, I wanted to reach my hand down and pick you back up, who would I remind you that you are? I feel like I know, but I wanna hear it from you. Like who are you at your core?

Ice (34:58.687)
Mm-hmm.

Ice (35:19.578)
At my core, that's a great question. And this is what my journey and my mission is. And at my core.

Ice (35:30.626)
I'm having an extraordinary amount of love. And...

Ice (35:38.474)
What I shied away from for a long time was what I had the power to do, and that was to be truthful in my space. Give love and kindness. Be compassionate. Serve.

be a part of the process in changing the world for a better place. And not to be cliche on that, but this has always been since I was a kid. And because I felt I was not worthy, I was not perfect that I didn't deserve to ever give any compassion and kindness to myself, let alone...

much to anybody else, even though I had moments of this, because I was always, for the most part, a fun, loving, good guy. However, there was a lot of guilt and shame that I lived in. So at the core, there's that beauty of being compassionate to this world, and giving, and helping, and serving.

And I think my strongest calling in all of that is to champion myself and those around me and those that I can reach and how we can make a difference in this world.

So at the core, that's where I'm at and who I am. If that makes any sense.

Kim Rapach (37:15.236)
Well, it makes total sense. And I just want to say even, you know, I mean, I met you in one of your darkest seasons, right. And even then, I think that's it why I was so drawn to you because even then your light just shined through so brightly. And I don't know if you remember, but you sat when we first met, well, you with the weekend that you came to Chicago, you sat on my couch, pouring into my kid about

Ice (37:23.979)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (37:43.868)
the film industry and film festivals and the reality of, you know, the hard truths of the industry and it was, that was a gift too. And so I, you know, I believe you, I see that in you and I was able to see it even in your darkest days. So I just believe it and it's true.

Ice (38:03.682)
Thank you, thank you. And that's the beauty of for what you're doing and why I'm a champion for this and how it's inspired me. I'm in the process of revamping my acting studio as I am working on myself and I'm allowing myself to take day by day and continue to keep

growing and learning a little bit more about myself and how do I handle some of my trials and my tribulations because it is very clear to me, very clear to me, I don't know why this keeps popping, very clear to me that I have hated myself for a very long time. And...

I do love myself, however, I'm still battling with a few things, but I'm okay with it. I'm okay with it. But I'm on the journey of continuing to take care of myself. And I'm going to allow myself to keep growing with the love for myself authentically and let that continue to keep manifesting because it's amazing what's happening right now. And I...

I sit and I reflect on some of the most unique stories that are transpiring in my life that I can't even believe are happening.

Ice (39:39.91)
for so many different reasons, but I'm not trying to figure it out. I'm just like, I'm just trying to be present, right? And it's overwhelming in so many ways, but overwhelming with a lot of joy and knowing that I'm on the right path. And I'm looking forward to each moment building upon that and strengthening myself because there are dark moments. They're coming. They're always gonna be here. And...

but to be as prepared as I can. And not always can we always be 100% prepared for what we know that's gonna come our way. However, I am prepared for some of this bullshit that happens that I can handle pretty good, you know? And that's what's kind of cool for me is that, you know, someone called me the other day and they're in a dark place and immediately I had judgments.

of like, okay, but you're not a B. So I'm like, Whoa, whoa, not even my place, not even my place. You know what? Let me hear you. Let me hear you talk. Go ahead. Go, go, go. And that change that I had, it's like, who am I to judge? I don't think you've ever I like I have sat in the dark place and blamed everybody else and didn't get a fair shake. And that's BS. And that's BS. And that person's screwing people over. And I'm like, Oh, come on, you know, and it's those moments that I look

and say, okay, what do I need to do? And let me listen. If they need something from me, let me deliver. But right now, let me be present. Let me hear them. That's it, I don't need to offer up a bunch of advice. Just let me listen to them. And then I'm gonna listen to God, and then I'm gonna figure out what I should do. Perhaps it's nothing, perhaps it's something, I don't know. But...

Kim Rapach (41:35.668)
Ahem.

Ice (41:35.89)
When I now have done that, I realized how much more I can clearly see this world. And without that judgment and blaming and then putting it back on myself, because that's truly this beautiful magic that happens that I can't fix their life.

They have to work on themselves. You couldn't do it for me. You could only give me the tools. I have to do it. And as much as you wanted to come through the Zoom and do it for me, you knew you couldn't. You knew all you can do is be present. And that's what I've started to understand about myself and navigating for me moving forward. And even when I feel like I'm full,

I take a moment that if I'm called upon, that I give a moment to it, right? With boundaries. However, when I'm able, I will create the time, I will make the time, and I will be present. And it's the reward that I want to give without judgment because normally I would listen to someone and spit my advice and tell them what they're doing wrong.

Like, and then I just realized more, that's a reflection of myself. That's just, that's just, that's just me talking to me. You know what I mean? That's just, that's just me talking to me. And so.

Kim Rapach (43:06.289)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (43:12.272)
Yeah, when you're in that place, when you're in that place, like a shame spiral, or you're just living in this idea that like, you know, the world is out to get me kind of thing, and we feel so beaten down, and we're not loving ourselves. That's what we do, we project, right? I just need this magic thing to happen. I just need to make enough money. I just need the right person to partner up with, you know, whatever it may be, and we are judging everybody else, but it really is. And I don't know if you remember when

Ice (43:39.699)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (43:42.384)
We first met, but I always tell people it's so hard to explain. But when you really choose this path, when you choose to do your inner work, when you choose to love yourself and to stay curious instead of judgmental with yourself, with other people, things start to unfold in a beautiful way. Right. You, you start to find like, Oh, you know, I mean, I have clients like, Oh, I got that award, I got, I got that job. I got the promotion and.

Ice (44:02.53)
For sure.

Kim Rapach (44:11.576)
I can't believe it. And it's like, I'm watching them do their inner work. And I'm like, oh, I can, because you're ready, right? You're ready to bring your gifts and to share them, but from a place of compassion. And so that also you can, you get to celebrate your success when it happens. I always say like the worst case scenario, you do your work, you love yourself, you're solid, right? Even if you lose your career, you're gonna always be stuck with yourself.

Ice (44:19.575)
Mm-hmm.

Kim Rapach (44:40.964)
And so if everything goes away, who do you wanna be left with? Right? I don't wanna be left with somebody who's like, I was right, you're a piece of crap. I wanna be like, you know what, it's okay, cause I love myself and I have the people who love me. And no matter what, I'm gonna be okay. And you know, I think it's just a great example of how we don't wanna put our worth in anything that can be taken away. You know, what you're experiencing is because of the work you've done in your head and your heart.

Ice (44:43.837)
That's true. Yeah.

Ice (45:05.001)
Right.

Ice (45:10.626)
Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's...

Kim Rapach (45:12.044)
And coincidentally, the career is going well, too.

Ice (45:16.298)
You know, right? You know, it's amazing. As I start to chip away at a few things in my career, however, my main focus was myself, right? And so sometimes I don't, you know, someone asked me the other day about, I was like, hey, what's going on? And I think I was just talking, and it wasn't soon after that, they said, oh, what's going on with your movie? And I realized, oh, I actually never even mentioned my movie. I mean, because normally that's the first thing out of my mouth, what are you doing? I'm a...

my movie, my movie, my movie, my movie. But I almost felt guilty. I was like, oh, I didn't mention my movie. Oh my goodness. But it's just kind of a testament of the movie is nothing. Filmmaking is nothing. Acting is nothing if I'm not present with myself and have the love for myself and kind and compassion for myself. And I think that leadership role that I want to have,

know that I possess, I've always felt too ashamed. I felt like, how can I lead? I'm not that cool of a dude privately. I mean, it's like, and I right, well, what I mean that I felt like I was I was not walking the walk, right? I was I was I was like, you know, you know, pretend this, but you know, I could be over here doing drugs and drinking and then all of a sudden, I'm telling you how to live your life and like,

Kim Rapach (46:28.511)
I disagree.

Kim Rapach (46:36.068)
I got you. I got you. Yeah.

Ice (46:43.702)
Come on, really? I'm sitting here. I'm gonna, yeah. I was not an, no, not at all. And so, and I always check myself on that, but what happens that really, really started to destroy a lot of the successes that I could have, because apparently I was too caught up with living the lie, you know, in this imposter syndrome, in this BS lifestyle that I was, you know, manifesting for myself, because I really hated myself. And so when,

Kim Rapach (46:43.94)
Yeah, you want to be an integrity. So you knew you weren't an integrity. Gotcha.

Ice (47:11.294)
I had this hate for myself. I would just do things that were not pleasant to myself or for myself or for the wellbeing for me and for other people. But the leadership quality that I know that I've always possessed, I am being patient and it's funny if this will put an analogy on it. You sent me an email a while ago and you said, pick a date. And I remember thinking, well, I'd like to pick right now. But what I meant

in that is that I knew I wasn't picking immediately because I was in a moment where I wasn't fully there yet. I said, I need a little bit more time to keep listening to God and working on a few things. I wasn't really ready to share.

my successful turnaround. I had no doubts, but I just wasn't there just yet. And I said, ah, maybe in about, you know, four or five weeks then, let's see. Yeah, I think I, yeah, I definitely got it. That's 12th, perfect. And this whole time leading up, it was always a reminder of like, hey, come on, right? You've got someone that you believe in, that is believed in you, that you want to champion, and I want to go on this journey with you. I don't want to be the student forever.

I wanna be the teacher here. I want to grow. I want to help change this world for the better. And for many, I wanna partner with you and champion with you. And I want to be someone you can call on when we need to go help someone in LA and you need me there on the, you know, boots on the ground. This is who I want to be. And this is what I love.

Kim Rapach (48:53.8)
I have ghost bumps.

Ice (48:57.498)
And so I wanted to give myself some time to say, all right, let me make sure, let me make sure I kept myself in rhythm here. And that's why I pushed this off because it was like five weeks actually. Or it was quite a long time. But then I was like chomping at the pit. I'm like, I wanna see her, I wanna see her, I wanna see her. Not that I couldn't see her any time, but I was just so excited because I'm on a journey and I have a mission.

Kim Rapach (49:17.029)
You can see me anytime.

Ice (49:25.574)
And even I was working with the startups with my church. I was unfortunately been able to get to church for the last few weeks because I work overnights on Saturday. And so I was doing it and I was showing up to church on an hour of when I closed. And by the time I got to the night, it was, I was getting so messed up that I was starting to doze off in time that I was starting to worry about myself. And I couldn't get my diet right. And that's like, okay, church is not the one thing I wanna let go. However, I...

I need to figure something out right now. I just need a quick break, but gotta keep church in the home. I just can't get out to Santa Ana and figure out my ways I can keep my church alive in my heart here at my house. And I decided that I asked myself a question. What am I about? So.

What is my studio about? What is my acting studio about? Which is my greatest secondary passion, teaching. And when I was in this startup, and it was really this discipleship, to kind of help you start your business, right? And in a way when I was going through the classes of this, there was an assignment.

And I started really reflecting on this and I asked myself, who am I and what am I really trying to do with this? Am I just trying to teach acting? Like everyone, anyone can teach acting. And there's a billion and 10 coaches. And I was reminded that I always said to my students, I don't teach you to be great actors. I teach you to find the greatness with inside yourself.

whatever you choose to do, it's your choice. That's your path. Whether that's acting or whether it's being an accountant, it doesn't really matter. What really matters is you. You find the greatness with inside yourself. And then that took me to the next level of like, well, if that's my, if that is my code of what I believe then what am I trying to do? And I started working on my startup and I'm like, well.

Ice (51:50.718)
It's the company of actors. And I came up with this tagline, it's changing lives one scene at a time. And I was like, yeah, that's what I'm doing. And it's like, well, I'm not trying to teach you to be a great actor. I'm teaching you to find the greatness within yourself. Acting is the byproduct.

But whatever you're going to do, regardless if you want to be an actor or if you want to be a milk salesman, it doesn't matter. You got to find the greatness with inside yourself for you to actually really champion the best version of yourself and for other people and exist in this world that we can love and be kind and compassionate to each other. Find that greatness with inside yourself. What is your calling? What do you want to do? And it doesn't mean that you have to be on this larger scale. It can really be as simple as just selling milk.

It doesn't matter. Everyone has a calling and a reason and a rhyme for us to coordinate together and champion together, right? And so I said, I'm revamping my old studio. Like this is my mission. I'm like, okay, I wanna change lives one scene at a time. And I'm not trying to make great actors. I'm trying to help you find the greatness with Inside Yourself. The byproduct for my coaching is it's acting. And yes.

Kim Rapach (52:58.469)
I love it.

Ice (53:07.738)
all of my scenes and every exercise and things that I think of, it's all really to focus in on you and finding the beauty within you, just through acting exercises. And I just started developing these certain classes and these exercises and just really what I wanna say to the world. I'm like, okay, this helped me fight to be a stronger, better me for the love that I wanna have for myself.

That's what I kept fighting for. It's okay. When you hate yourself so much, there's a lot of lying that's going on. A lot of lying. And so I have to be very truthful. And it's not always easy. But every morning I get up and I will high five myself in the mirror. I'll give myself a wing and say, love you kid, you know? And then I go high five Jesus, you know? I'll listen to a little Aretha Franklin.

I'll set my intentions, I'll meditate, then I'll pray. And I'm like, okay, I'm fighting this one. Not, this is all good. I got this. And this daily practice that I have to do and I'm reminded consistently of this really works. This stuff really, really works. And it's for the little things even. It does. And it's like, you know.

Kim Rapach (54:25.614)
It really does.

Ice (54:30.054)
I have a colleague that was going through some suicidal thoughts and I'm like, I'm in such a great place to be able to serve and to hear them and to listen and to be present and to check in and to share whatever I can. But listen to God, what is my serving here? What do I need to do? Not what I think I need to do.

what really needs to happen is sometimes it's me just shutting up because I can talk a lot. And so it's just a just to listen. And I'm so grateful. And that is why you inspire me. And

Ice (55:13.558)
There's something that I believe in so much that I wanna hold onto because I wanna start, you know, when you had a colleague reach out to me and you were doing everything, like, I wanna be that. I wanna start being that person with you and with our other warriors. And let's build that. And I don't wanna be the constable student. I wanna be a leader and a teacher and a fellow traveler.

I'm not a guru. I'm not higher than you. You know what I mean? We're together. No matter, even as a coach, I am the fellow traveler. I never want to be above anyone. I don't ever want to give the tips and tricks. I just want to give you thoughts and ideas. You know what I mean? Like, it's all kind of been the same thing. What is casting on? How to make your audition great. Yeah, I get all of that, right? We all have the same stuff, the same philosophy that we're all spitting out there.

Kim Rapach (55:51.868)
Yeah.

Ice (56:13.27)
But at the end of the day, there's something more. There's really something more that I want to just lead by example. I don't want to preach to you. I just want to fulfill myself with doing what I believe is the work of God, strengthening and loving myself, sharing kindness and being compassionate and loving sincerely.

Kim Rapach (56:18.062)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (56:22.504)
Yeah.

Ice (56:42.438)
My heart's not negotiable, so let me live in the highest vibration and let's move forward. And I feel that is a really, really strong place for me coming from the darkness that I've been in for probably strong 20 years. 18 years, probably a darkness, dark, darkness. And at times people would think that I had the

best life, people thought I was, you know, on top of the world. I was, for the last 18 years of my life, and I struggle with my age, and I had to take a second with that and say, it's irrelevant, it's right now, this moment right now, doesn't matter. I don't know when I go, I don't know when that's happening, so why even worry about it? I worry about this moment, don't worry about when I'm now, I'm gonna be 56, I'll be 57, you know.

You know, someone said to me is like, I'm pushing 60 and they made a derogatory comment. Yeah. Nope. Hope I can push 60. I hope I can push 70, 80, 90, and I'm vibrant and I'm changing lives one scene at a time. And I'm a warrior and I'm here and we're, we're making effective change and we're saving lives, you know? So that's, that's what I can do. And I will tell you, I can't thank you enough. Kim.

I can't thank you enough.

Ice (58:11.798)
And that's a big amen. Cause you did something miraculous and you being present. And I can't wait for me, you and my brother to be in one room and I can just cry and love you both and say thank you, thank you for being there for me.

I had to make the choice.

Ice (58:39.366)
I had to make the choice and...

Ice (58:46.87)
I'm glad I did, that I chose life to live. And it's a beautiful thing. And I honestly, every day it's a reminder, like, man, dang, I was just about to kill myself. You know, two strong times I was about to kill myself. And you popped in, and the second time Todd popped in. And that was just amazing. It's like, I can't even fathom now, like, wow. Like, f-

Kim Rapach (58:52.521)
Me too.

Kim Rapach (59:02.632)
Hmm. Yeah.

Ice (59:16.298)
Woo, like the lives were about ready to change in this world. And like what, how did just been another story that's tragic. And and now we have an opportunity to save some more people. And that's something I want to be a part of. So thank you. I love you. Thank you.

Kim Rapach (59:17.862)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (59:32.465)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (59:36.216)
Well, I want to thank you. Well, I love you too. And I want to thank you for trusting me. And I know I, I was knocking pretty hard there. I had to keep tabs on you for a minute. And so thank you for trusting me. And I know when you're in the darkness, it just feels so hopeless. And, you know, I, I've been there, you know, I've shared part of my story with you. And, you know, when you are in that space.

Ice (59:41.634)
Yeah.

Ice (59:48.93)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:00:04.808)
there's very little that someone can say to you that gives you hope. But people just seeing you, like you said, being present, seeing you can be very, very powerful. And I guess I would just ask, if somebody is listening to this, because I really believe that more people struggle with this than what we're talking about. And I think there's still far too much shame and stigma attached to that level of darkness.

And so I know there are people out there who are still suffering in silence and they're questioning. If they hear this, what's one step to take? Just one step, because like you said, it's, you know, you wanted, you couldn't, you were stuck not being able to do anything, but you wanted to do everything. You're gonna quit everything and you were gonna be the best version of yourself and you were gonna will yourself. And you know, that's just not how it works.

Ice (01:00:34.168)
Mm-hmm.

Ice (01:01:02.987)
Mm-mm.

Kim Rapach (01:01:03.048)
but you have to start with one small step. What would you say to somebody who's listening, who maybe is wrestling with that question of what's the point, having a life or death decision to make that you and I have had to make? What would you say is a place to start?

Ice (01:01:21.342)
Wow, yeah, you just, that really gave me goosebumps.

Ice (01:01:28.821)
Oh wow.

Ice (01:01:36.99)
You know, you do matter. And no matter how small or how large, you have something to give to this world.

Ice (01:01:53.03)
And even in the darkest of times, and you're feeling hopeless, and there's no reason, your life is meaningless.

Ice (01:02:07.166)
If you can just take a moment and just hang in there, you will see your purpose.

Ice (01:02:20.382)
And if there's anything that I could ever do in that sense, it's like my Instagrams, I'm pretty easy to find, Ice Morozek, but I would encourage anyone, whether you know me or don't know me or anything, I will listen. I will always be there if anyone ever needed to talk. You could share my number. But,

Hold on, life is beautiful. And if we can just champion with each other, you'll see just hang on, you have purpose, you really do.

Kim Rapach (01:03:09.268)
Thank you.

Kim Rapach (01:03:13.168)
I'm so glad you said yes to this invitation. I'm so glad you said yes to my invitation a year ago. And I'm so glad that you said yes to this invitation. You are a beautiful, strong, powerful, sensitive, loving, you're all of it. And you're a warrior. And it is such an honor to know you. And I'm glad to be doing this work with you. It's not perfect every day. I do this for a living. I still get dysregulated. I still have to...

Ice (01:03:13.272)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:03:42.088)
pull myself back up, that's human. We're human. And when we can realize that and do the work together, it just, it gets a lot easier, so.

Ice (01:03:45.067)
Yeah.

Ice (01:03:51.966)
I'll tell you that is so true. And I think that it could because I, I almost feel like, oh, once I'm perfect, and I'm and everything's okay, that I won't have a problem is it's you know, we're gonna have these problems. But I kind of love that I kind of love that. Now, sometimes that wasn't good. I got a little I got a little smart with that person, you know what I mean? But I can reflect and look back at that. And if I have a moment to rectify it, I'll go back and say, I'm sorry about that. I got a little testy, you know, but if I don't, I

I'll say my prayer privately and I'll carry on. But I do look at that and say, okay, it's cool. I'm human and I love it. And I think there's a beauty about that. Even kind of with Mel Robbins, she never claims to be so perfect. And she actually admits about her imperfections and I just really love her. And I thought, and I'm so glad that you turned me on to her, but I think she's really, really a cool woman. And I like what she's doing. But it's...

Kim Rapach (01:04:27.857)
Yeah.

Ice (01:04:50.53)
It's beautiful when you can actually look at someone and know that, because I feel like at times what I always thought when I looked at the leaders or certain gurus that I thought that they were, they had to be perfect or they were perfect. And then I'm like, okay, well, your life is perfect. And I could never have that. And at the end of the day, no.

There is no perfect life and no one's perfect. And no matter how much money someone has or how many houses or whatever, it's like, you know what? We all live in the same cruel, cruel world. And so, you know, it's unfair. It will continue to be unfair. However, it's just some little things we could all do to make some of these days a little bit brighter, because we're gonna have some dark ones, but let's keep as many as we can bright.

Kim Rapach (01:05:35.752)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:05:41.412)
Yeah, and let's keep checking on each other and doing the work together. Like, you know, it's the work of the work of warriors. It's what we're doing.

Ice (01:05:49.97)
Yeah, yeah, amen. I think it's fabulous. I love it.

Kim Rapach (01:05:53.084)
Well, I hope that our listeners, I know that they're inspired. I know there's tears. I know there's laughter. And I just encourage everybody to follow you on Instagram and to go to Amazon prime and to watch about him and her because it's delightful and you're going to love it. So thank you again, ice for being here. I'm, I'm just so honored. Like I said, to know you, to see this journey and to having the honor of just playing a little bit of a role in that and just

Ice (01:05:57.419)
Hehehe

Ice (01:06:07.468)
Ah, thank you.

Ice (01:06:12.386)
Mm-hmm.

Kim Rapach (01:06:21.224)
getting to be a witness to the work that you've done and how you've chosen life for yourself. And I know there's, you know, I wanna say like, I know there's big things ahead for you. And I just know that means in the way of changing lives and however you do that in whatever format, but it's an honor to know you.

Ice (01:06:38.634)
Well, thank you so much. It's an honor to know you. And I love you too.

Kim Rapach (01:06:43.624)
All right, I love you.

Thank you.

Ice (01:06:49.934)
Bye.