The Work of Warriors

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (03:12.587)
Hi! How are you?

Kim Rapach (03:13.524)
Hi Kimberly. I'm well, how are you? Welcome back.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (03:19.435)
Good, good to see you. Thank you.

Kim Rapach (03:24.308)
I feel like we talk every day. I can just run a hop on a call.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (03:26.635)
I know.

Kim Rapach (03:32.628)
so for anybody listening, Kimberly, Shannon Murphy, this is your second time on the Work of Warriors podcast. I'm so glad you're back.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (03:40.907)
Yeah, thank you.

Kim Rapach (03:42.228)
The first conversation we had was, I believe, shortly after you released your book Glimmer. And you were just starting to have conversations, just starting to put that work out into the world. And I was very interested because of both not only the profound book, but also I wanted to know where it related to...

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (03:51.531)
Yes.

Kim Rapach (04:08.02)
your success in Hollywood. And that was one of my favorite moments on this podcast was when I shared it so much. So I know you know what I'm going to say. But when I said how much of your happiness today has to do with your success in Hollywood and you were like, none. I was like, perfect. Let's keep talking.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (04:12.843)
Hehehehe

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (04:23.947)
Yes.

Kim Rapach (04:28.212)
Because there's this false narrative, right? That being a celebrity or even being successful or achieving your goal, that's what's gonna make you happy. And much like you, I think so many people have a story, a painful story.

that they're trying to outrun. And with this idea that if I just prove myself or, you know, push through, I'll be happy and your story is just so powerful. And it debunks all of that it debunks all those lies. And so

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (04:49.515)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (05:06.26)
I would love if we just, I mean, first of all, I hope our listeners go back and listen to the first episode that you were on and every other podcast that you've been on because every single one of them is life -changing. So as you're listening, go follow Kimberly and listen to all the podcasts. But do you want to say a little bit about the book that you wrote and why you wrote it and maybe even what you were hoping, how it would land with people?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (05:18.123)
Thank you.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (05:32.299)
yes. And I feel like, my gosh, it's so interesting as you're saying this to me about, about listening to all my podcasts. I feel like last year I'm in such a different place now. It's sometimes when I hear my self talk last year, I'm like, my gosh, you've grown so much. Which is a good thing. but yes, I wrote my, no, no, no, I think, you know, some of them, you know, and, and here's the thing I think.

Kim Rapach (05:52.308)
Sure. So you just want to say like, don't go listen to those?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (06:01.707)
I think they're all important because people listening to it, depending on where they are in their journey, it is helpful for everybody because we all have our journeys that we're walking down and we're hopefully growing and learning through all of it. So we all have to start somewhere. So I feel like especially when you're going out into the world and speaking, it's a...

any other time I spoke, it was always about my stunt work and it was very work related and it wasn't a personal thing. So obviously when you're talking about your personal story and mine being what it is, it kind of really came at me hard.

Kim Rapach (06:50.068)
Yeah.

Yeah, and I think that's the natural progression, right? Like, of course your voice is going to sound different, hopefully, right? Because you are continuing, you and I both agree, we're not healed, right? We're healing, always healing, and there's always a new layer. And so I think about when I read, you know, I think when I read the first book by Glennon Doyle,

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (06:57.771)
Yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (07:02.155)
No. Yes.

Kim Rapach (07:12.084)
her first big one. And by the time I had finished it, she was onto a whole new chapter in her life. And I think that's very normal and it's okay to normalize that, that we're not, we're not just stuck here in this one place. So thankfully, my gosh. Yeah. Yeah. So tell us about the book when, you know, I mean, that was a year ago, maybe when did you,

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (07:18.155)
Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (07:23.403)
Yeah.

Yes, thankfully.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (07:38.987)
So it's been, yeah, it's been just a year that it came out, came out May 16th, May 16th, 2023. And, you know, talk about, talk about wanting, I, at that time I was like, this has to be a best seller. I, you know, I put so much pressure on myself to want this book to succeed in so many ways that I think I lost focus on a little bit on why I did it.

because I just was like, it has to be a bestseller, it has to be everywhere. And it wasn't when it came out, but where I'm seeing it now and how much traction it's gotten and word of mouth and so many people now, I feel like it's really won an Andy Award for best memoir of 2023. And we were USA Today's like,

best book of the year. They had like 10 best books and I was one of them. And so it's gotten a lot of amazing accolades. And more importantly, I know how many people it's reached and touched and so many strangers have reached out to me and how much it's helped them in their journey. And incest is a really difficult subject to talk about and to write about, which is why there's not a lot of books out like this. And so I think it gave,

people a lot of courage to sort of speak out and feel less alone, which was really my goal in all of it. And yeah, I'm kind of back to that where I'm just sort of like, whatever the universe, whatever is supposed to happen with the book and, you know, I'm just trusting that the universe is going to bring it. And yeah, now I'm doing an event with Gabor in October, which if you would have told me that,

A year ago, I would have been like, what? There's no way.

Kim Rapach (09:35.508)
Sure, sure. Do you want to introduce, just in case anybody who's listening is not familiar with Gabor, do you want to introduce him secondhand, if you would?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (09:42.699)
Yeah. Yeah. Dr. Gabor Matei became a good friend early on in my writing. I kind of stalked him and wound up getting on a Zoom call with him. And I really resonated so much with the way he spoke about trauma. And it's such a different viewpoint than many people have on it, which is, you know, that it...

is stored in your body and that unless we kind of dig in and deal with it and sort of get to the root of the issue that we're never really going to heal it. And so, you know, and he speaks about trauma as a wound and trauma is not what happened to you, but what happened inside of you as a result of what happened to you. And on our first call, he had said to me, and this is in the book as well, you know, your primary trauma was not your abuse. Your primary trauma was that you

were cut off from all adult support, which is how the abuse happened in the first place, which seems like a really simple thing that you would sort of just know, but it was something when he said it to me, it just kind of blew me backwards and I was like, my gosh, he's right. So he's one of the leading trauma doctors in the field and yeah, we're gonna do a live event together. He's like, you wanna do an event together? I'm like, what? Yeah, okay.

Kim Rapach (11:11.252)
That's like asking a dog if it's hungry.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (11:11.595)
And he really only does it with... Yeah, I'm like, yeah. And it's so funny because he's so brilliant to see live, to hear him speak live is life -changing. And I had only done YouTube video after YouTube video, watching all of his videos. And then when I got to hear him speak live, it changed my life. He's just so brilliant and such an important part of...

the trauma community and I feel really lucky to have met him and to be able to be doing this with him, it's pretty crazy.

Kim Rapach (11:48.98)
Yeah, and we'll put all that information in the show notes for sure. And I will be there. I have my tickets. I'm so excited. So excited. So again, I spoke a little bit about it before.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (11:52.491)
Thank you. I know I'm excited.

Kim Rapach (12:02.772)
But do you want to give a highlight of what the premise of the book is for if there is someone who is not familiar with what the book is about? And I know it changed my life and my husband read it and we listened to it together. And it's been, it's just been such, such a gift in our family as I'm a survivor as well. And so you helped me and my family find even more language. And so thank you. But if you would tell our listeners a little bit about it.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (12:11.499)
Yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (12:28.683)
Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, I was abused by my maternal grandfather from around the age two until he died when I was 11. And it was a constant thing that happened. And so it's basically my story of sort of how that manifested in my body through my 20s and.

I had my memories at 15 and it just sort of takes you through my life. And I feel like we did a really beautiful job of not writing it in a triggering way, which was my ultimate goal because I wrote it for survivors and I didn't want people who have been through similar situations, not be able to get through it or read it. So I feel like we really accomplished that. And yeah, it's just basically kind of takes you through my whole life and, and.

we kind of flash back a little bit to my childhood and just how I sort of dealt with it or didn't deal with it for a long time. And then how it kind of manifested itself in my career. And, you know, sort of how I, then it takes you all the way through to me having my daughter, meeting Gabor, sort of starting on this psychedelic journey that I've been on the last two years, really trying to return to myself and.

figure out who I was before all of this happened to me, which has been a journey.

Kim Rapach (13:57.844)
Yeah, yeah, in a lot, I mean, a long span of time where you were being abused at developmental, critically, developmentally important years. Yeah. Why did you write the book?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (14:03.371)
Mm -hmm. Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (14:08.875)
Yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (14:15.883)
I wrote it for all of my little Kimberle's that live inside of me that, you know, I've been doing a lot of parts work, a lot of IFS, a lot of work with Dr. Schwartz who I've been really lucky, to have as my therapist when needed. and. You know, through that have, have sort of the parts work is kind of works on all the parts of you.

that sort of needed to do certain things to protect you when you were going through this and whether that's disassociation or the shame you hold, the guilt you hold, the fear, all of the things. And so now I like to say it's just like, yeah, now I just like to say it's like all the little Kimberle's that are like living inside of me that need attention and that need to be healed from all of these.

Kim Rapach (15:00.532)
People please.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (15:13.355)
traumatic events that happened. I mean, I wrote it for all of her, all of my inner child, for my daughter, and for all of the survivors out there who are suffering in silence. And I think there's so many people that this is such a common thing that happens. I mean, 90 % of people that are abused are abused by a family member or somebody that the family knows. So it's happening a lot. And...

There is so much shame attached to it when it happens within a family. So, so many times we don't talk about it and we just shove it under the carpet and move on. And so, I think that having this book in the world will hopefully give people courage to speak their truth because I do believe that when we speak our truth, that is when our healing can really actually start. When we're not being honest with ourselves about what our life was.

We can never start healing. It just doesn't work.

Kim Rapach (16:12.884)
Yeah. Well, and I just want to again say thank you because the book is so powerful. So for me, you know, as a former therapist, as a survivor, I had done my work. I was, you know, I did a lot of work, you know, in my own healing journey and working with my clients, but then to have it public.

You know, I've been working on a book as well, but I honestly just don't have not previously had the courage to actually birth it into the world. And so when you did that, I think you opened up literally just such a voice and a conversation. Like you said, nobody's talking about it. And if they are talking about it, it's in private with friends or in therapy. And I think we need to talk about it in order for it to change and stop.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (17:01.835)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (17:02.804)
And so it was just really brave and courageous and what a gift for you to put that book out in the world. Yeah. So it's been a year almost since we've spoken on the first time you came on the podcast. How was your book received? I know you said a little bit about wanting it to be a best seller, but what is the most transformational experience you've had in writing it or in the feedback you've gotten?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (17:09.259)
Thank you.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (17:33.226)
I will say that every single day I get at least one message from somebody. I mean, Instagram is really the only social media I do. Sometimes people will email me, but every single day I get a message from a stranger saying, thank you for sharing your story. It gave me the strength to tell my husband and I never told him or all these things that people have written me. And that's exactly why I wrote it. And so to have that,

coming back to me is it makes it all worth it.

Kim Rapach (18:10.036)
Have you gotten any sort of pushback from people who are close to you or not close to you or strangers? Is there anyone who doesn't want this kind of work in the world?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (18:22.219)
It's been really, really hard with my family. When I first got the book deal, I had one sister who just stopped talking to me completely. And I don't speak about my sisters in the book out of respect because they didn't want to be a part of it. And I knew that. And I was putting the book out in the world to tell my story and my story only. And it's not my job to tell my family's story.

But yeah, I mean, basically it, I feel like once the interview started coming out, things started getting harder and harder with everybody in my family. And so I'm not speaking to anybody anymore, including my mom, which was the last person that I was actually speaking with and actively trying to work with her and through all of this. And, you know, I think that that's something,

that's a real fear for people because it's real and it happens. And I remember Dr. Perry, Dr. Bruce Perry, who also is an incredible trauma doctor. He wrote, the boy that was raised by a dog and he wrote, What Happened to You with Oprah. He endorsed my book as well. And I remember him saying to me on a Zoom call, you're probably...

going to lose some of your family, if not all of them. And I was like, no, that's not, you know, and he's like, I hope it doesn't happen, but you know, just a lot of times you'd be surprised and it's exactly what happened. And it wasn't only, I think them being whatever they're feeling, I don't know, angry or wanting to this not to be happening.

I think it was also my growth. Like I started growing so much and learning so much and doing so much work that I realized that I can't, and I literally said this to my mom, I cannot keep trying to convince you to treat me better. I can't do it anymore. And you know, if I'm trying to heal from my childhood stuff and you're still stuck back there, it just doesn't work. And...

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (20:42.731)
it's literally like you're beating your head up against a wall. And when you grow and other people don't, no matter who they are, family, friends, it just doesn't, if people aren't growing with you or moving in the direction you're moving, it just becomes really difficult and it was just too difficult. And there was also a lot of things that were happening, I think, when you come from a family like mine with such severe trauma.

your family literally is traumatized. Like my family is a traumatized family. And so they move in a way that's not healthy. And when you have a child of your own, I think you see that really clearly, right? Because you bring a child into the world and hopefully you want to raise them differently than you were raised. And I certainly wanted to do that. And...

Just seeing how everybody was moving around her with certain situations, it just became, it just became not okay anymore. And it's really sad.

Kim Rapach (21:47.092)
Yeah, it is. And I think it's it's important to note you you wrote about this in your book, your mom was abused as well. And so what you're doing now, that some people may seem like, I don't know if I could, or if it's unfathomable. This is how we stop generational trauma is there is a person, usually one in the family who says, hell no. And

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (21:48.363)
Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (22:07.947)
Yes.

Kim Rapach (22:16.18)
So it's sad. It's incredibly sad and devastating that your mom, especially, but you know, your family, they're not there. They're not ready. Who knows if they ever will be, but what you're doing, I just want everyone to hear what you're doing is changing, ending generational trauma in your lineage. And that is, I think, the most powerful thing we can do on this planet.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (22:43.435)
Absolutely. And for my daughter, I mean, I literally, I had a psychedelic journey where, and just to preface this by saying, I do this with a doctor. It's very, I have, she's incredible. I have therapy with her. And then I do a journey maybe twice a year. And then we have therapy after. I'm not just like going off on a mountain, like doing drugs. It's very, yeah.

Kim Rapach (23:08.468)
Right. I was going to ask you if you were getting pushback on that just because, or you know, not everyone is fully aware of how psychedelics are helping people get their lives back when done properly. Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (23:19.115)
They're changing lives. When done properly, exactly. When done in the proper ways and with the right people who understand how to work with you when you're in the medicine. It is life changing. One of my journeys, I literally had my ancestors. I'm like, my God, all my ancestors were like in the room. And I remember they just were...

I just felt this overwhelming love from them. And I kept hearing them say, you did the thing. You did the thing that we've all been waiting for. We've been waiting for you to do the thing. And the thing being the book. And just that Capri was the start of our new lineage. Because obviously this goes back. You don't have abuse like this in a family. And it doesn't come from nowhere. It obviously went back from.

I don't know how many generations. And so yeah, that for me is worth everything that she can live in her full authentic self and be her full self always and not have to return to herself. That's how I feel, you know, what I'm doing now. I'm returning to self. I'm figuring out who I was, who I am, you know, because the trauma

did so much damage to me that I wasn't ever able to get to know who I actually was. My daughter will never have that. And she'll know when people are treating her poorly. She'll recognize it. And I didn't recognize that. And I talk about that in the book through my 20s and bad relationships and the choices I was making and things I was doing. And it was all stemmed from the trauma because I didn't think I deserved to be treated well and didn't know any different. And...

everything that was toxic felt familiar to me and so I gravitated towards it and she won't ever have that.

Kim Rapach (25:19.38)
Good job, mama.

I love that so much. What has changed in the past year as far as, you know, you're getting positive feedback, but I know you've had a lot of conversations, you've been on a lot of podcasts, and do you want to say what that experience has been like?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (25:47.339)
You know, I think it can be exhausting at times. And this is something that's so important too, is that I'm not always strong. I don't always feel strong. I don't always feel like, you know, I think that there's this, this, this miss sort of, what's the word, miss conception that.

you know, because I put out a book and because I'm, you know, on social media actively speaking about my story that I'm like the strongest person and people have commented so much about that. And as much as I appreciate it and love it, it's not true all the time. You know, I still have to do the work. I'm still have times where I'm struggling. My father just passed away. That was a whole thing. And it's still hard. And the work is not.

done. So I think it's really important for people to know that even if you've been doing the work and you're not feeling really strong, it's normal. And you'll have days where you do and days where you don't and it's okay. And we need to give ourselves grace and all of that because it's not an easy thing to overcome and to go through.

Kim Rapach (27:07.604)
Yeah, and there's so many layers, right? There's shrapnel everywhere as far as who's gonna support you, who's going to abandon you, who's going to hate you, who's gonna push back, who's gonna challenge you. Yeah, and I'm guessing you've probably experienced all of that.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (27:24.619)
Yes, it's an onion that is literally never ending.

Kim Rapach (27:30.452)
It's like, they're not a center anywhere.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (27:32.939)
Yes. Like when is this thing going to be done? Yeah. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (27:36.148)
Yeah, but the tissue that coming out of the sleep but not nearly as fun I Really I really appreciate that and I think that's so important for anybody who's doing their inner work for any reason who's in recovery for any reason that it is layers There's no arrival. We don't get to a place where it's like, okay. Aha. I'm healed. I'm done. Great. Glad that's over doesn't work like that. However, I

I was just thinking this today and I was thinking about our upcoming call was listening to a song that I just love so much. And I just feel so lucky to have the healing that I've had thus far and to know that it will continue. And a year from now, it'll feel even different and it'll feel even better. And again, it's not going to be an arrival. There's no arrival date. There's no arrival place, but to know like what you have overcome.

and what you have been willing to do and what you've been willing to walk away from and what you've been willing to lose to regain and reclaim your life is so powerful.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (28:42.539)
Yes. Yeah. And really, really difficult.

Kim Rapach (28:47.316)
and really, really difficult. Yeah. What are some tools or resources that you use on the difficult days or in the difficult moments, whether it's minutes or days or weeks?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (28:49.419)
Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (29:03.819)
Yeah, I mean, now I've, I'm, I've just, I feel so blessed that I've been connected with this amazing team of doctors that I have since I wrote the book. And, like for instance, when my father died a few weeks ago, you know, nobody even told me, I did not know that he was in hospice. I did not know, like no one directly called me to tell me anything.

I didn't even know, no one called me even to tell me he died, not even my mother. And so that was really difficult. And, you know, I like text Kabor right away. You know, I'm lucky, I'm very lucky that I have that, you know, and I just said, I am struggling and he's got on a call with me and I talked with him and feel really grateful about that. And,

You know, he said to me, I said, this just feels really, really heavy. Like it feels really heavy that I don't, you know, you know, to feel abandoned again by everybody because I'm just trying to heal what, what happened. You know, it feels so cruel in so many ways. And yeah, it absolutely did. It absolutely did. And he said to me, it's only heavy if you carry it.

Kim Rapach (30:18.288)
It feels like another assault.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (30:31.083)
And he said, you, because my sisters had written a horrible message to one of my friends saying that I broke my father's heart in a million pieces and on his dying days, basically like blaming his death on me. And he said, you tried to give your father, he said, your father's heart was broken way before you were ever born. And he said, you tried to give your father the,

gift of healing and he was not able to receive that gift and the same for your mother and your sisters. And he also said, you know, Kim, you, what did he say to me? He just said, would you ever want to be where they are? You know, and I said, no, my God. And he said, and then you can, you can live in a place of empathy for them.

and feel sorry for them that they are not doing the work and that they're capable of behaving in such a way and also knowing that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with the trauma that everybody suffered and nobody knows how to get out from under it.

So it's trying to be in that space. And of course you come in and out of that. It's easier said than done. There are moments where I'm really angry. I just want to react or behave in a certain way. But I do know at the end of the day that it isn't actually about me. And it's so much bigger than me. And that situation really showed me that.

Kim Rapach (31:58.068)
For sure.

Kim Rapach (32:14.9)
Yeah, yeah. I'm so sorry that that's the experience that you had. I'm so grateful you have Gabor.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (32:20.043)
Yeah, I do. Thank you. I know. And like I said, I'm so... And then I wound up, I had signed up for a retreat a year ago and it just so happened to be like two weeks after. I just went last week or I just went. Yeah. So it was like my dad died and then two weeks later I was at this retreat with Dr. Schwartz in Santa Cruz and it was like timing wise, it was so interesting.

Kim Rapach (32:35.284)
that's right.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (32:48.907)
And we did a, I did a ketamine retreat for four days and it was incredible. And Dr. Schwartz does this, you know, we do like light doses of ketamine and then he'll do parts work with you while you're in the medicine. And it was really interesting because I had this, I had, I felt my dad was like there with me and he was just telling me how sorry he was. And Dr. Schwartz was sitting with me and,

I'm like, my dad's here and he's talking me through it. And then I just heard my dad say to me like.

Thank Dr. Schwartz for being there for you in a way I never could.

And it just gave me this kind of like, you know, this piece of knowing that I do believe, you know, my dad was a really good person. He was a really good person. He just was not a good father. And he suffered his own traumas that made him not be able to show up for his kids. And, you know, I know that in my heart and...

You know, we have to be able to like let it go and move past it or we're just going to stay stuck, which I can't do anymore.

Kim Rapach (34:06.932)
Yeah, well, and you have your community. You said you're blessed to have all these healers. You have your medical treatments. What do you do when you're on your own? What do you do for yourself on your own to stay healthy, to stay grounded, to stay present, to not get taken out?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (34:12.427)
I am.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (34:27.915)
I just, yeah, I mean, I honestly, I love just being home. I mean, my husband and I built our house together and it's a beautiful house and my husband's an amazing person and the fact that we even wound up together, I feel, because when we met, I was definitely not, you know, I was bouncing back and forth between disaster and non -disaster.

but he's an amazing husband and my daughter's incredible and I just feel like being with them gives me so much, like does so much for my heart, you know, and spending time with the people that love you and that you love unconditionally I think can really bring you so much peace, you know.

Kim Rapach (35:15.508)
Yeah. Is your husband's name Chris? Casey, sorry, Casey. What? What is it about Casey? Like you said, I was in and out of, you know, functional, non functional, or dysfunction. I don't know how you said it. But I relate to that so much because on our like, third date, I think I blew my knee.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (35:18.571)
Casey. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (35:37.204)
I'm with my now husband and I was a train wreck. I was a train wreck. And I, to this day, I'll be like, why did you marry me? I mean, it turns out okay, but what were you thinking? So what did Casey like, like, what would he say as far as, yeah, it was a little messy there for a minute, but he stuck around. Why is that?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (35:41.291)
We'll see you next time.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (35:46.267)
I'm sorry.

Yeah. Yeah, totally. Totally. Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (36:03.435)
He had a very normal childhood. He had a very, you know, I mean, of course we all have our things, but he had two loving parents that, you know, adored him and he is just a really normal, kind human. And I think when we met, we just, you know, I do believe that it's like souls from another, like,

plane or we knew each other before, I feel like there's something to be said about when you feel that like really intense connection with somebody and you can't really figure out how it's so intense when you just met them. I feel like it was that with him and we would just laugh all the time. And we literally, when we first started hanging out, we were like inseparable from that, you know, from that one time on, we never, we were together all the time every day.

Yeah, and I'm sure you have a lot to say.

Kim Rapach (37:04.724)
Well, you have that little link. Just send it to him. We'll have a whole new conversation. We'll go round three.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (37:08.235)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (37:15.06)
That would be fun. so, okay. So tell me about what's coming up next. I want to circle back to the event, but do you have other things in the works as far as podcasts or anything like that, that you want to share? Just let people know that another resource is available.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (37:16.395)
Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (37:34.603)
Yeah, I'm doing Savannah Chrisley's podcast in a few weeks, and then I'm going in Nashville, and then I'm going to New York and doing Gabby Bernstein. And then I'm going to Arizona to do Joe Polish, who started the Genius Network. He's a friend of Dr. Romney's and I actually met him at her party. And he's been super supportive. He read my book and just loved it and like,

Kim Rapach (37:55.22)
Okay.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (38:04.683)
I'm going, he's going to interview me at one of his conventions and he like bought a book for everyone in the audience. And so he's been, he's a friend of Gabor's as well. He's been super supportive. So I'm doing those three things in the next, by the end of June, I'll be finished with those things. And I went back to work. I'm coordinating a TV show right now. And that's been actually really good for my brain to sort of do something.

else to have something else happening instead of just being like fully emerged in all of the book stuff. So yeah.

Kim Rapach (38:39.956)
Yeah, what was the timing with the book release and then the strike? Because I remember the book had been out for a while and then the strike ended, right?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (38:48.459)
I think the strike started in September, right? We were September, October, November, I believe. Yeah. So the book was out in May and then we went on strike in September. But I didn't really work that whole year, partly because of the strike and then partly just because of the book. And I was like all over the place doing all the things. And then Caitlin Olson is doing a TV show right now, a new one called High Potential, and I'm coordinating it, which is great.

and she's amazing and it's been really nice to be back at work and also not hitting the ground. Even though I did do a fall off a cliff last week for Olivia Wilde, so I did do that, that did happen.

Kim Rapach (39:33.748)
had to quickly fall off a cliff just for a minute. But baby steps back into work. Well, that's fun. It sounds like you're more on an organizational directing side of things too. And I'm sure, yeah. What is your plan for all the stunt work? I mean, I don't know if people have seen your work, but it's incredible. And you're so fun to watch. And Caitlin read your book, right? The audio book.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (39:35.659)
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (39:46.955)
Yeah. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (39:59.764)
and she has an amazing voice, she's an amazing actress. And yeah, people just need to listen to all that you guys have going on. But what's it like to be kind of on the other side? What's your plan for all the physicality that you were doing? You know, you talk about it in your book that, ooh, you put your body through a lot. And where are you at with all that now? What do you wanna do?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (39:59.851)
Yes.

Yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (40:17.803)
Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (40:25.899)
I really am enjoying coordinating and it's kind of just like what it's like the general progression of what happens in our careers as we get older. And so I feel like I'm in a good place right now. I'm loving the show and we go through, I think we don't finish till September. So I'll be doing that. And then, you know, I'll do stunts here and there, but on my own terms and if it feels right for me and if I feel like I want to do something, you know,

It's very different than when I started in my career and I was just sort of mentally and emotionally in not a good place and sort of putting my body in these really dangerous situations and not really caring. It looks very different for me now. It's definitely a choice and I'm very, I pick and choose what I wanna do if something comes my way.

Kim Rapach (41:20.596)
Wow, that's even different than when we spoke the first time about that because you were, well, again, in the book, you talked about, you know, you purposely put yourself there, you were charged by that. And you were like, I got this. And, you know, you had said, thank God for a good crew and, you know, people who kept you safe. But when we talked, you said you still had to check yourself because you still had a, you know, propensity. Is that the word I'm looking for?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (41:24.395)
What did I say?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (41:49.035)
Mm.

Kim Rapach (41:49.588)
to push yourself and it was you had to really kind of work through that intentionally. It sounds like now you have even more just clarity and and peace around that and then just an inner knowing. So yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (42:02.475)
Yeah, it does feel that way. Yes.

Kim Rapach (42:05.908)
Yeah. I'm going to list, you know, all the resources, you know, you had talked about, you know, some of the resources that you have, and I know for some people, those aren't available, and they're not in a position to be able to access those resources. But I will put other, you know, resources in, in the show notes. But what I'm wondering is if, you know, whoever listens to this, and like you said, I mean, it's so

unfortunately, it's so common. And I think it's very common in the industry. I think people gravitate toward characters and being able to leave themselves to be somebody else and just the shiny lights of Hollywood that are not what they claim to be. But what would you say to somebody who doesn't know that they can speak out or maybe they're in a position where they're not ready?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (42:38.475)
Mm.

Kim Rapach (43:02.388)
Like, what's a word of hope that you would offer to them?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (43:07.595)
I always come back to the truth. I mean, I literally have it tattooed on my arm. Like the truth will set you free. And however you need to speak that, whether it's literally sitting in a room by yourself with nobody there, I think there's so much power in being able to say what you're holding inside out loud. And I think that's the first step to starting to be able to.

actually look at things for what they are instead of the narrative that you've told yourself or the narrative that your family has told you that you've been sort of living. And that happens a lot with families that have this kind of abuse in the system. And also like writing it, you know, not as a book, but just for yourself. Journaling is such a, and I talk about my aunt in this book who is such a...

powerful person for me in my life and she wrote all the time and a lot of her writing is in the book and I, you know, she taught me that and that was an important tool for me. And, you know, and also just distancing yourself from people that aren't treating you the way you deserve to be treated. And that goes for family as well. You know, you don't know, you can't heal around the people that made you sick.

And that is a true, fully true statement. And it's so much easier said than done, because it's literally, I'm 47 and I've just walked away. So I get it. But you can't, you cannot heal around the people that aren't willing to heal and aren't, and are still behaving in ways that are abusive.

Kim Rapach (44:54.356)
Yeah, I'm glad you said that that was what I was going to ask you next is what about if my family doesn't believe me or what if they won't talk to me? And you just answered that.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (45:03.115)
Yeah. Yeah. My dad didn't believe me when I came forward at 15. And I can look back in now and say that he didn't believe me because he couldn't, he couldn't believe the fact that he failed, that he had a child and that this happened on his watch and he failed. And it was all about him and not about me.

It wasn't that he didn't believe me, it was that he couldn't believe me because if he did, it would have, I don't know, erupted in some way. And then one person after another after another, and you read in the book as well, my grandfather also left confession letters. There's no one in my family that would ever sit there and say, this didn't happen. It's never a conversation that, it happened to way too many people.

But it is a really scary thing. And, you know, I have so many friends that are going through similar situations that were abused by their father or their brother or their grandfather and their mother or whoever cannot see it. They don't want to see it. And it's not about them not believing you. It's about them not wanting to admit that this happened to you, that they might have let this happen to you.

And I think that's a big, that was a big shift for me when you can stop looking at it like that. Like, what if people don't believe me? What if people don't believe me? It's not that they don't believe you. It's that if they, if they actually have to look at it, then they have to look at themselves. And most people are not ready to look at themselves.

Kim Rapach (46:50.068)
Yeah, yeah. And I want to draw the connection to that because the work that we do when we're healing from our trauma, we're willing to look at ourselves like that whole process of returning to yourself. I can also now handle it when my child comes to me or my husband comes to me or a friend comes to me and says,

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (46:58.443)
Mm -hmm.

Kim Rapach (47:10.932)
I don't like how you made me feel, or I don't like your tone of voice, like whatever it is. And for you, your daughter Capri is going to be able to tell you anything because you are grounded, because you are, you have that foundation of, I want to know myself. I want to end the generational trauma. I want to know everything so that it stops here. And so it matters so much. And I, I just think it's, it's, there's so many reasons to tell yourself the truth, to allow.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (47:26.667)
Yes.

Kim Rapach (47:40.886)
yourself to give yourself permission to have your truth because it impacts so much. Again, not easy, very, very brave work to do, but also there's a lot of freedom and a lot of healing and much better futures for our generations to come if you're willing to start and tell your own truth.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (47:40.939)
Yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (48:01.131)
Yeah, so much freedom. And, you know, I say this all the time, like this book, if my daughter chooses to read it when it's appropriate for her, is gonna answer so many questions for her about me and who I was as a mother. I mean, I'm not perfect and I've definitely still get triggered and I still, you know, but I also can repair it very quickly. And I...

can notice it in myself, wow Kim, why did her doing that or saying that, why did that make you so upset and explosive? And I can go to her and say, Capri, mommy, that I didn't react right at all, that had nothing to do with you and everything to do with mommy and what's going on with me and I'm sorry. And I feel like when we're able to be truthful with ourselves, then it just bleeds onto our kids. Like when we don't heal, it bleeds onto our kids. So it's...

you know, it's doing the work and being able to show up for our children. And we're not going to be perfect because no one's a perfect parent no matter what. I mean, we all make mistakes. We're human. But it's all for me now. It's all in the repair when it does happen, which it's not often. If I do have a reaction or that's not normal, that I can have that conversation with her and she can have her feelings and her conversation with me and that we can have that.

time instead of when I was growing up is like your parent explodes on you and you go to your room and you never talk about it again. And so you're just left feeling like you did something wrong, you know, and it's it really wasn't about that.

Kim Rapach (49:45.908)
Right? Yeah, I remember telling my son, my anger is my problem and it is nothing to do with you. And I'm so sorry. And I will spend the rest of my life figuring it out and healing and doing whatever it takes. And, you know, when I hear how you talk to your daughter, you know, not only is she seeing you, she will then also have language for when she's not perfect. Right? And it just keeps snowballing in the right direction. Whereas trauma snowballs in a horrific.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (49:58.955)
Yeah, it's so true.

Kim Rapach (50:15.348)
direction. And yeah, so yeah, I'm so again, just so grateful for your work and your willingness to share your story. And I would love it if you would tell us more about the event in Santa Monica in October. What what people expect? What are you guys going to be talking about or doing? And what can we expect?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (50:16.555)
Yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (50:31.307)
Yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (50:39.211)
Well, Gabor is very like off the cuff and he's amazing at it. So that stresses me out a little bit. No, it's called return to self navigating attachment and authenticity, which is something that he introduced to me. You know, your attachment that you have to your parents, you have an attachment when you come into this world and hopefully you can have the attachment and be authentic all at the same time. But sometimes we can't when we grow up in abusive family systems.

You have this attachment, but you can't be yourself because the system isn't allowing for that because you're being abused. So it's all about, you know, navigating that and it's going to be a beautiful event on the water, on the ocean. And we, you know, we want to be able to like bring people on stage and have him, you know, work with people and talk with people. And we want it to be an interactive event.

So it's going to be an all day, 10 to five with like a two hour probably or hour and a half walk away lunch. And yeah, he'll just be talking about, you know, that topic and anything else that may come up through other people and their questions. And I think it's going to be a beautiful, a beautiful event. He's never done one with a survivor. So I think it's going to be a really unique and memorable.

memorable event for sure. I'm looking forward to it.

Kim Rapach (52:11.604)
Yeah, well, and it's on your social media. It's on your Instagram so people can follow the link and get their tickets to that. I'm very much looking forward to it. Every conversation I hear, whether it's you or him, I still, even though I do this for a living, there's still just always so much I take away. And...

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (52:14.571)
Mm -hmm.

Kim Rapach (52:31.892)
That reminds me, I just posted something today about forgiveness and I'm posting like a tip a day for mental health month, but the tip was about forgiveness. But I, I wanted to hear your perspective about forgiveness because when I was younger, that was the talk of the town, right? If you forgive people, you get to set yourself free and I love your perspective and I share that. So I'm going to let you, let you talk about forgiveness.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (52:54.283)
Yeah, it's for you.

Well, it's really interesting because and speaking about my earlier podcast, I did a podcast with Lisa Billiou, I think, and they sort of used that one. They kind of pulled that thing that I sort of said about forgiveness, which when I in retrospect, when I watch it, I'm like, whoa, Kim, you were so triggered in that moment. And I got like I there was a lot of anger coming out of me, which wasn't.

really fun for me to see. And I actually got a little bit slandered on social media there for a little bit with that post. But it was actually taught me a lot. And it was good for me for that to all happen because it brought it full circle. I sort of said, I believe forgiveness is a crock of shit is basically what I said. But I said it, it definitely had a lot of anger with it.

Kim Rapach (53:34.644)
I don't know.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (53:57.995)
I don't believe that you need to forgive to heal. And I've had this conversation with all of my doctors and Dr. Romany being one of them, we had a whole live where that's literally what we talked about. And she, in her book, her new book, It's Not You, she does a whole chapter on forgiveness and how it actually is not good for your mental health if you keep forgiving someone who keeps abusing you. It's actually really bad for your mental health.

So I think there's a lot attached to the forgiveness. I think there's, you know, it stems from a religious perspective of needing to forgive. And I believe in forgiveness. I mean, I think it's a perfectly fine thing to forgive people when they are going to change their behavior and show up differently. And you can actually have a conversation. They understand how they wronged you.

and they understand your feelings and you can move on and your relationship grows from there. But for people that have, like for my grandfather who's did horrendous things to me my whole life, no, I don't forgive him for what he did to me. And I don't need to forgive him to heal at all. I mean, I just don't. I've released all of the power that he's had over me and that's taken a long time because...

I used to feel very connected to him in the sense of like, I didn't know who I was without him because everything that I remembered in my childhood centered around him. But no, I've been able to release the power he held over me without forgiving him. And I'm perfectly fine not forgiving that. Yeah, I don't.

I don't believe that you need to do it to heal. I really don't. And if some people feel like they do, then that's great for them. And I think that that is a conversation that needs to not be judged. No one has walked in anybody else's shoes. So however you need to walk your path and whatever you need to do in your journey, as long as you can come back to yourself and have peace, forgiveness does not need to be attached to that.

Kim Rapach (55:58.132)
Yeah, and I'm with you.

Kim Rapach (56:22.772)
Yeah, yeah, that's it exactly. And that's, that's what I was going to say. It's really all of this is learning how to read your own nervous system and trusting what feels true and trusting what feels right. And if it feels like it would bring me so much peace to be able to forgive that person for various reasons, then I'll by all means do that, but not as a, an arbitrary rule.

to healing, right? It's not a written rule. You don't have to. You're not going to suffer because of that, right? If you're doing your work and you're like, I have no need to forgive this person, and that feels true and right in your system, then you're not tied to any rules of forgiveness.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (56:49.579)
Yes, completely.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (57:06.539)
Yes, and people need to stop being so judgmental about that.

Kim Rapach (57:10.068)
Yes, yeah, yeah. And I think more importantly, we forgive ourselves, right? We're the hardest on ourselves. So if you're going to focus on forgiveness, forgive yourself and love yourself and learn to trust yourself and, you know, give yourself the power of the healing process.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (57:15.371)
Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (57:22.347)
Yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (57:28.299)
Yeah, absolutely.

Kim Rapach (57:31.444)
Thank you so much for being here. It's so good to see you. Yeah, you too. I will put the event information and all of the other resources in the show notes and just thank you for being here. I'm really grateful for your work.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (57:33.195)
Thank you. It was so good to see you.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (57:44.075)
Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. I probably have not downloaded, so I'll just leave my computer open.