The Work of Warriors

Kim Rapach (00:01.75)
Hi Kimberly, welcome to the work of warriors.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (00:04.421)
Thank you.

Kim Rapach (00:06.602)
I'm so grateful that you're here. You have released a book, a beautiful and painful, painfully beautiful memoir about your experience with childhood sexual abuse and your healing journey. And I think it is definitely the work of a warrior when you can own your story, do the work that it takes to honor yourself, your story, and do the hard work to heal. And...

That alone, in my opinion, changes the world. When we heal ourselves, we heal the world. And you could have stopped there, but you took it next level and shared your story with the whole world. And it is such an honor to bear witness to your story and your healing, but I'm wondering if you could just tell our listeners why you felt it was important to share your story with us.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (01:04.868)
Yes, I've wanted to write a book for 20 years and I've never been in the mental space to do so. A lot of that was because I was still connected with my family that really sort of refused to look at the truth of our, of what happened to us at the hands of my grandfather and I wasn't able to show up as my authentic self with my family.

And so that sort of bled over into my personal life. And so I really wasn't being true to who I was. So when I started the endeavor of writing the book, my family had their feelings about it, which weren't positive or supportive. And I chose to walk away, which is really when I feel like my healing really started. And I wrote it because I...

I know that if I had a book like this when I was 15, going through my hardest times, that it would have changed my life. And so I hope that it can be that for somebody else.

Kim Rapach (02:09.042)
Yeah, thank you. I read a little, I've read the book and it's beautiful. I read it in a day, I couldn't put it down. And by even just two chapters from the end, my eyes were still wide open. My mouth was still open in awe of not only your experiences, but how you tell the story and the work that you've done to heal in that process. And...

You know, I read something online. I want to read it real quick, but just a summary of your book, which is titled Glimmer, it says, a raw and heartening memoir of one woman's journey from surviving childhood sexual abuse to becoming one of the most successful stuntwomen in Hollywood.

And I feel like that misses a very significant piece. And I think the most important piece of your story is not from what you've experienced to the success that you've achieved. Your career is very impressive. What I find as a mental wellness coach, far more impressive that I'm more intrigued by is that healing process. So I'm wondering if you could speak a little bit to...

Well, I guess the question I want to ask, if I only read that snippet, if I only read that and I hadn't read the book.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (03:31.932)
Mm.

Kim Rapach (03:36.91)
How much of your success in Hollywood has contributed to the happiness you have today?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (03:42.531)
None.

Kim Rapach (03:44.002)
Thank you for saying that.

Kim Rapach (03:48.77)
Thank you for being honest. So if I could, I want to read just one more thing because I think it's a better description of your story and the book, which is from just a little snippet from the foreword that was written by Cameron Diaz. And she says, this book is so much more than the sum of its parts. It's a gift. Oh, I have goosebumps. Kimberly's offering to reader suffering in silence.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (03:50.696)
I'm sorry.

Kim Rapach (04:16.01)
It's a companion for anyone who has endured trauma at any level. And it's a beautiful tribute to the strength and power of the human spirit. And I think that's so powerful and so much more important. And again, I'm very impressed by your career and I am far more impressed by the work that you were doing in the world. And I wonder if you could just share a bit about, you know, because when we got on the call, you said,

I just want to reach people. I don't care if it's five people or how many. And to me that speaks integrity. I think it's dangerous to think that we have to have a certain amount of success to be able to tell our story. And so while we are focusing on the entertainment industry, this is for everyone. And so can you speak to your heart around wanting people to understand the power of doing your work?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (04:53.337)
Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (05:15.464)
I just feel like I know how many people are affected by child abuse. So many of my friends, I can't tell you how many people that I've shared my story with before the book that have said to me, oh my gosh, I was abused by my cousin, my brother, my father, my mother, and you're the first person I'm telling because I was open with them.

And it happens so much more than people talk about. And I think a lot of that is because we have so much shame attached to it, especially when it's a family member. And people are just so afraid to speak their truth because they don't want to upset so and so in the family or this person in the family. And so they just stay quiet. And because of that, they sit in pain for the rest of their lives and it comes out in other ways, whether it's drug addiction or alcohol or, you know.

anti-anxiety meds and you're never living in your full self. And it's such a shame because when we're living in our full self and when we are healing, we have so much more to offer everybody in our life, including strangers.

Kim Rapach (06:24.742)
Yeah, absolutely. That's so powerful. And when you were talking about, you know, being afraid of upsetting certain family members, you know, I was thinking about you do a great job covering this in your book too, about how the trauma is in our body. And so I think it's important that we talk about how unsafe it feels to speak up and how that you know, whether it's I don't know if you can speak to this, but whether it's

current or old memory, right? Like whether it's a current reality that it's unsafe or trauma that's still in our bodies that says, no, it's not safe. How did you cross that bridge into knowing you had a family who was not in support of you sharing the story? How did you find that courage?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (07:16.892)
Honestly, getting connected with the incredible doctors I've been able to connect with since I wrote my story has been a huge help to me because they've given me this sort of power and strength that I didn't have because I have these incredible trauma doctors who were like, yes, this is what happens and this is what your body store is. And to walk me through it in such a way that I can understand instead of just feeling that,

really made me open my eyes to what was really happening. And the reality is when you're abused as a child, is that you have adults around you that never did anything about it, that either weren't aware, which is just as bad as knowing and not doing anything about it, in my opinion. And so I think it's really looking at the whole family system and the role that each person played in you being

this victim to this person when you're a child is really important because a lot of times we just look at the abuser and I really had to sit and look at my whole family. My parents didn't do anything and my uncles and my aunts and the list goes on. Then now in this space that I am at now where my sisters are like...

don't tell, you know, keep your mouth shut. And it's just, it was just a really eye-opening experience to me because it made me realize how everyone was still allowing the abuse to sort of exist in our family. And I just couldn't be around it anymore.

Kim Rapach (08:58.29)
Yeah. And you mentioned the powerful trauma healing doctors that you have. And I think that, I mean, we're just on the cusp of really, I mean, those, those people that you get to work with, they're teaching the rest of us, they are leading the way, and I'm so grateful that they are in your life and you wrote a chapter called good therapy. And I'm wondering if you could speak to that because we

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (09:17.254)
Yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (09:23.632)
Yes.

Kim Rapach (09:26.518)
We're doing a great job saying yes to therapy, yes, get help, but this is different. What we're talking about is different and I appreciated your perspective.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (09:37.72)
It's really tricky because when we have been through something so traumatic and we do reach out and try to get help, and a lot of times the reason I wrote that chapter was because when I finally reached out on my own to get help, I didn't have a lot of money. I didn't have the resources, so I went to therapists on a sliding scale and none of them were good. I knew that even though I was in such a dark place. I speak about in the book how one therapist told me I was lucky I wasn't.

shooting heroin on a street corner because everybody who has been through what I've been through and I just remember sitting there and just thinking, well, this is terrible. Like you're terrible. And I left her office and I never saw her again. And we're so lucky now with social media has its good things and its bad things. And the one good thing about it is that we can follow these doctors and we can hear what they have to say and listen to them speak and go on YouTube.

you know, put in Dr. Matei and listen to his take on trauma because listening to him before I met him changed my whole perspective on trauma and how it was manifesting in my body in ways I didn't even realize. So I think it's amazing that we have these doctors that we can look to and go to and that we can sit at home on our computers and do that. It's such a gift. And I would say for anyone who...

is experiencing something like this to do that first. You know, that's a great baseline to start at, to hear these doctors speak because they really know what they're talking about. And it changed my life.

Kim Rapach (11:17.162)
Yeah, his work and many others have changed mine as well. And as a former therapist, we have been conditioned to take a simply clinical perspective, right? And that there's people with mental health issues and there's people who don't have them. But when you look at a person's story, whether, regardless of the level of trauma, when you look at somebody's story, but especially when there's trauma, we get to ask the questions what happened to you.

so that we know what's rising, what's riding in the body, what's living within you. And I think so many people are afraid to reach out and ask because there's this label as if I'm one of those, I'm one of those. And it's for those of us who have trauma, we know better. And again, I'm grateful for the work that's done. One of the things that I appreciated that you mentioned in your book,

and that Dr. Gabor Matei talks about is with childhood sexual abuse, that's not the first offense. Can you say more about that?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (12:25.912)
Yes, he said to me, that wasn't your first primary trauma. Your primary trauma was that you were cut off from all adult support in your life, which allowed the abuse to happen in the first place. And for me, it was such a, like kind of hit me in the stomach sort of moment where I realized, oh my gosh, you're right. I need to look at my parents and I need to look at everyone that was around me during that time when I was a,

baby pretty much that had their eyes shut to it or didn't check on me or didn't make sure I was okay when I disappeared from a party for two hours. It's so interesting too, you become a mother and I just cannot even fathom not knowing where my daughter is for 30 seconds if we're out at a party. I don't care who's there. I don't trust people easily.

And I think that everyone should be like that with their kids. And clearly my parents weren't. And because of that, I suffered what I suffered. Because if they were more aware and in my life and in my space, it would never have happened.

Kim Rapach (13:42.782)
Yeah. Well, and what Dr. Gabor Matei says is that the abuser knows. The abuser knows who's not protected. And so your grandfather knew. And, you know, if we could bring that back around to expand it to the entertainment industry, what I found myself thinking about as I was reading your book, I've struggled sometimes to find my language of, you know, this is a system, it's

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (13:48.462)
Oh yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (13:54.423)
Mm-hmm.

Kim Rapach (14:10.206)
It can be so toxic, it can be so beautiful, but it can be so toxic and dysfunctional. And it demands too much of people and like a family system, right? But when I heard that in your book, I was like, oh, there it is. We have people who have experienced trauma in a system, in an industry that can identify people who are not protected. And I have thoughts, but I would love to hear your thoughts

What is your, what are your thoughts on the intersection of unhealed trauma and the entertainment industry or Hollywood?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (14:52.048)
Um, I think that everyone has unhealed trauma, you know, whether it's like small T or big T trauma. And in our business, the hardest thing I feel like is, and I did this for a long time, which is I buried myself in my work. And when you're doing that, you don't have to think about your trauma or think about anything because you're so busy working.

And I did that for a lot of years because when you're on a film, you're getting up at four or five in the morning. You're not home till seven, eight at night. And then you're just getting up and doing it all over again. And then Fridays, you wrap it midnight and then half of your Saturday is gone. So Sunday is really the only day you have to yourself. And then that cycle just continues. And I did that for 10 years, just movie, movie. And I did that for 10 years.

I think part of it was my trauma manifested itself in my work. It showed up in my work with me, and I talk about this in the book, with me enjoying getting injured with me enjoying getting hurt. So it was showing itself up there. I wasn't aware of it until later on, but it was manifesting itself regardless because I wasn't looking at it. It was coming out in a different way.

It wasn't until I really stepped back from the business and had my daughter that I really started looking at my life in a different way.

Kim Rapach (16:23.614)
Yeah, I think for, you know, if we're not aware of our trauma, if we're not aware of the painful pieces of our story, we can numb out with like you said, drugs or alcohol, but also work. And this industry is just like prime real estate for that. Right. Um, and I think it can happen for any industry and any career, but I'm glad that you are willing to speak about that because I think, again, I just think that there's,

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (16:35.313)
Yes.

Kim Rapach (16:52.99)
an insidious environment that fosters somebody who is trying to not feel. And if we look at the other side, there's this whole narrative that if you're successful or if you're famous, or if you have a million followers, then you'll be happy. Can you speak to that a bit?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (17:16.912)
I mean, I think that's such a false narrative that's showing up in the world now, right? It's like, you have to have a certain amount of followers to have this certain sort of status or you have to be, look, I was at the top of my game for a really long time, one of the most successful women in the business and I was miserable at the end of the day. And I think that...

goes across the boards, whether you're the biggest actor. And I'm not saying that every actor is not happy, but when we're just sort of in this hamster wheel of go, and we don't have the time to enjoy life or to look at what we may need to deal with in order to be and show up authentically in our own life and to other people, it kind of...

beats it out of you, our business in a way, you know, because we are so, so busy and we're so conditioned to just do, go, jump off the building 25 times, don't say a word about it. You know, if the limb's not falling off, you're not really hurt kind of thing. And that's how we show up to stun people. I mean, it's just the reality of it. It's like, you know, you're cut. I mean, I remember I got hurt on Ghost Protocol.

Kim Rapach (18:32.674)
Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (18:40.152)
I cut my knee in a rehearsal on like a beam and it was right to my bone. And part of this is just my own, was my own psyche, not sort of identifying with the pain in a backwards way. But I went into the bathroom, there was blood everywhere. I went into the bathroom, I duct taped my knee. I tried to super glue it, but it was way too deep and wide and all those things.

So I duct taped my knee and got new pants and all that stuff. And then the next day I was jumping out of a helicopter and just like kept my mouth shut and just dealt with it. I went to the ER myself when we wrapped at work, I had them stitch me up and I came to work the next day and didn't say a word about it. And at the end of the day, that's so messed up. You know, it's like.

Kim Rapach (19:34.09)
Well, I have so many thoughts. You know, in this space, you know, the work of a warrior is someone who fights for themselves, they fight for themselves first.

And this is such a good example of why you need to. And you have this profound example of a gaping knee. No one was gonna take care of that and you weren't gonna say anything. And so I think that applies to life, right? If we are not fighting for ourselves, nobody else is gonna come to make sure we're okay. And it's so powerful.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (19:59.304)
Mm-hmm.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (20:10.528)
Yeah. And sorry. And I do feel like there's something connected with trauma survivors and high performance sport, because we push ourselves to such a level and such a limit where I think it ties back into our childhood because we had to survive this thing that was, in most people's world would be unsurvivable.

Kim Rapach (20:14.119)
No, guys.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (20:37.888)
Now we're going to go out into the world and prove to everyone that we can survive this and do this and push our bodies and our minds and all of that to this insane level that's not even healthy. And I did that for a really long time.

Kim Rapach (20:54.354)
Yeah. I mean, I won't go into it. I'm going to share my story on later episodes, but same, just, and it's, it becomes something we have to monitor and be careful of and check in with ourselves. Right. And so how do you balance that now to know, are you pushing too hard? Are you attuned to yourself? Like, what is it that you do on a regular basis, aside from therapy and doing your inner work?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (21:01.579)
Mm.

Kim Rapach (21:23.734)
What do you do on a daily basis to fight for yourself and to make sure you're not overextending yourself?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (21:31.944)
I can fall back into it very easily. And the difference is that I can notice it now. Is that I can, sometimes I don't in the moment, because I'm, especially if I'm on set and I'll get super caught up in what I'm doing, I'm like, no, I got this, I can do it. I don't need a pad. You know, that whole thing, which I have done my entire career. But the difference is, is if that happens in a quiet moment, I can recognize it. And I can say, okay, Kim, you know, this is what you did.

and why can you still go there? Because being quote unquote healed is not a word in my vocabulary. I don't think it exists. I don't think it's good to sort of say like, oh, we can arrive at this space and we're all of a sudden healed and perfect. It's just not realistic. And I really do feel that I will be dealing with this for the rest of my life and that my trauma was so large and so...

painful that it's going to take me my whole life to work through it. And I'm going to have times that it's harder than others. And I'm going to have times where I do something in the moment that I know is wrong. And that's just part of the journey, I feel like.

Kim Rapach (22:49.282)
That was actually a question I was gonna ask you. I get that question. So are you healed now? No, doesn't work like that. So I'm glad that you said that. And, you know, again, I would ask like, what are there specific practices that you have? My camera just froze on me, so I'm gonna start over. Are there specific practices that you have in your daily routine to...

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (22:53.989)
Yeah, I know.

Kim Rapach (23:18.29)
make sure that you are checking in on your nervous system, making sure that you're, you know, because we can be, I think, like you said, we can be anxious, we can be, we can feel lots of things and not even know we're there because we're so conditioned to survive. And so how do you thrive instead of survive on a regular daily basis?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (23:43.056)
I think for me, the biggest thing, and I'm still really working through this now, has been separating from my family, unfortunately, because my inner child, all the inner child work I'm doing, I realized how much my inner child doesn't feel safe around them. And so I am really triggered very easily when things happen within my family system because my inner child doesn't feel safe with my parents. And why would she?

you know, and because they're still acting out behaviors that they had when I was a child. So no one's really doing the work. You know, they quote unquote, some of them have gone to therapy for years. But as we know, if we're not actively with a good therapist or really working on ourselves, you can talk to someone for 25 years. You could have a therapist and it doesn't mean that you're doing the work.

Kim Rapach (24:38.67)
Absolutely.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (24:40.352)
So for me, it's been just getting that separation so that I could really be in tune with myself and show up as my authentic self to everybody that I have a relationship with. And I'm not able to do that with my family. And that was something that I had to come to terms with that was really, really difficult because there's a grieving process that goes along with that. There is guilt that comes with that. There's shame that comes with that. So processing that is its own journey.

on its own, you know, because this person's your mother, your father, your sibling. But I soon realized how trauma bonded I was to everybody, that we didn't actually have a real authentic relationship, that we were just bonded in this trauma and then still being toxic. And I just won't raise my daughter like that. And I won't be able to heal my inner child like that either. So I have to be in a safe space. And they're just not a safe space for me.

Kim Rapach (25:38.302)
Yeah. Do you have any meditative practices? I'm assuming as a stunt woman you work out. That's not a question. But are there softer exercises that you do to not be in that aggressive stance? Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (25:52.261)
I...

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (25:55.368)
Yeah. Yeah, you know, I think writing the book was a huge therapeutic three years for me. So many things came out of me writing, you know, chapter by chapter, and so much came up and that I had to work through. And a lot of times I'm just silent with myself. I'm trying to do more of that and just kind of laying with my laying.

you know, alone and just sort of having my hand on my heart and my hand on my stomach and breathing and being aware of my breathing and also trying to be aware of like just the ground and my feet on the ground like simple things that I didn't realize I wasn't connected to like mother nature is a huge thing and I spoke about this with Dr. Imani and I'm not going to get the word right but there is an actual name for it.

I was so disconnected from Mother Nature, which is a very normal thing to have when you've had trauma. So I've been trying to reconnect with nature. I have plants in my house, which is a very big deal for me, and all of that stuff. So it's the little simple things, I feel like.

Kim Rapach (27:06.578)
Yeah, absolutely. It's connecting back to yourself, right? Yeah. Kimberly, what I already know the answer to this, but I want to ask, because it's so beautiful. What is your glimmer?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (27:09.764)
Yeah, yes.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (27:22.516)
Mm, my inner child. Yeah. I had a really long time where I was super angry with her. I think I just needed someone to blame and because my grandfather was dead and I didn't really have my full memories yet, I would see pictures of her and I'd just be so angry. Like, how come you didn't fight harder? How come you didn't tell somebody?

And now the space that I'm in, I know how hard she fought and I know how hard she tried to tell people around her. And I've been really just really spending a lot of time trying to connect back with her and let her know that she's safe. And I have a picture of her on my mirror and it says like, you're loved. And I talked to her every day and she shows up for me in a lot of ways now. Like I'll look.

down at my feet in the shower and I can see my little feet. And I just try to really listen to her. You know, when she's around someone that's triggering, I try to really listen to what she's telling me, which is like, I don't feel safe. She needs me to take care of her and I'm really trying super hard to do that.

Kim Rapach (28:37.482)
Yeah, that's so powerful. Thank you for saying that. It's what that shame that we carry with us is so entrenched in the family system, right? Like how convenient for the family to have you carrying the burden. And so to see you make that shift and to realize, oh no, sweetie, I got you. I got you. Like I imagine like locking arms.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (29:01.83)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (29:06.23)
with my younger self, like here we go, I got you. I'll never let go, yeah, that's beautiful. If I could, I wanna read just another snippet from the forward. It says.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (29:08.961)
Yeah.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (29:17.915)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (29:24.622)
Whoever you are, whatever life has put in your path, I hope that reading Kimberly's story serves as a conduit to healing. No matter who has tried to capture your spirit and how hopeless you may feel, it is never too late to speak your truth, to reclaim your power, and to transform your pain into purpose. I believe that the flame of hope can be nurtured in even our darkest moments, that it is within all of us to prevail from trauma we have suffered.

All we need is a glimmer to know what is possible.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (30:00.529)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (30:03.278)
Kimberly, you have such a powerful story and you're changing the narrative, you're changing the conversation. It's literally life-changing. How can people find you? How do they find you, your book, your work?

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (30:20.888)
I only do Instagram because I'm trying to just do one social media thing because it can be really overwhelming. So I'm on Instagram and I have the longest handler on the planet. It's Kimberly Shannon Murphy's Stunts. And my book you can find on Amazon or anywhere you get books. And yeah, I just am trying to reach as many people as I can who...

Kim Rapach (30:27.67)
Good boundary.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (30:47.396)
have suffered in silence, who have similar stories, who can hopefully feel empowered by me speaking my truth.

Kim Rapach (30:56.126)
I'm so grateful. I really believe that if we can bring mental wellness to the entertainment industry, we can bring mental wellness to the whole world. One warrior at a time. I believe that when we heal ourselves, we heal each other. And I believe that when we heal, we stop hurting ourselves and each other. And so you are definitely a warrior and I'm so grateful.

that you've been part of the podcast. Thank you for being here.

Kimberly Shannon Murphy (31:27.472)
Thank you so much.