The Work of Warriors

Kim Rapach (22:16.034)
Hi Robin. I can, hello.

Robyn Arouty (22:17.345)
Can you hear me? I can hear you and I can see your gorgeous hair.

Kim Rapach (22:23.606)
Thanks.

Kim Rapach (22:29.534)
You are so cute! Welcome to the work of warriors!

Robyn Arouty (22:33.74)
Goodness, it's so nice to be here. I'm gonna try not to cry today. I don't know.

Kim Rapach (22:37.102)
So nice to have you on. Why would you do that?

Kim Rapach (22:44.152)
That's what I do. You're likely gonna cry.

Robyn Arouty (22:46.592)
Okay. And then I also have my dogs out. I decided I just wanted them near me and I let them know I'm going to have a meeting and try not to bark. But like if it happens, that is life.

Kim Rapach (23:00.158)
Yes, yeah, and we need more life and less perfection by far. We've had enough perfection.

Robyn Arouty (23:04.428)
There you go.

have, have you?

Kim Rapach (23:09.086)
But full transparency, I did send my Shih Tzu to the basement with my mom because she snores really loud. And it is distracting. So, barking is fine. Snoring, it's a little distracting.

Robyn Arouty (23:14.752)
Okay.

Robyn Arouty (23:19.556)
Okay, I get it.

Robyn Arouty (23:25.136)
It's well, if it's anything like Clark, his snores are kind of loud too. So yeah.

Kim Rapach (23:29.958)
Yeah, fun, fun. I'm so glad that you're here. You and I met with a shared background as former therapists. We were both therapists in a past life. Mine more recent than yours, but I love how we are aligned in how we have reinvented ourselves. We have found a path through

Robyn Arouty (23:45.132)
Yeah, bonkers.

Kim Rapach (23:58.462)
our own healing through our own process, which is not a done thing, right? We're not healed. I've been working on my journey for a couple of decades. You are, I think you told me you're about a year in, right? And so, I mean, I think it's important to recognize that everybody is in a different place on their journey. But you and I, regardless of the time we've been doing our work, we have both found ways to help people.

step into their fullest lives, into their greatest lives, through what has saved us, right? And so I would love if you would just share a bit, like whatever you're comfortable with, just share a bit of your story. Do you wanna talk about being a therapist? Like when were you a therapist? And when did you leave and why did you leave? Did I make you cry already? Oh, I was like, I didn't even say anything.

Robyn Arouty (24:47.984)
Okay. Um, wow. No, uh, you know, I, no, it's a makeup thing. Like this is not my norm. So I, you know, I glammed up for you. So, uh, whatever. Anyway, um, so gosh, my undergrad was in radio, television, and film. I don't know if you knew that or not. And so I worked in radio for a little while.

Kim Rapach (24:57.449)
Okay.

Kim Rapach (25:02.766)
You're so sweet.

Robyn Arouty (25:16.168)
And then I worked for some food manufacturing companies. And then during that time, I was doing some volunteer work with Big Brothers, Big Sisters and the Crisis Hotline. And there were a series of events and just that little whisper saying like, you, I was always like the one that everybody, came to talk to and I was very much a caretaker. And back then, and I just thought,

You know, and then I thought at the time I was blessed with like the perfect childhood. So I should go, uh, go get my masters in psych and, you know, be of service to other people, blah, blah. So this, so I graduated after four years part-time, um, with my masters in psych in 2000. And I actually worked for best foods at the time, which Unilever bought them out at the end. So it was like everything kind of.

came to an end, you know, my corporate America thing, which I was so excited to just go, bye bye. And then I went right into working at an inpatient psychiatric hospital with children and adolescents. I know. Yes. Yeah, so, you know, yeah. Individual, what?

Kim Rapach (26:31.924)
Wow. Big shift. A lot of similarities, but a big shift. I said a lot of similarities, but a big shift.

Robyn Arouty (26:38.848)
Seriously. So I worked for two different inpatient psych hospitals with children and adolescents, and then I went into private practice. But I think in total, it was just about five years before I got on to the creative route.

Kim Rapach (27:02.574)
How did that happen?

Robyn Arouty (27:06.593)
Um, I had...

I think redecorated, redesigned my private practice office maybe three times over the course of the year. I was real, I just got enamored with like mid-century and vintage design, so I had to get like the perfect sofa and you know, and I totally remember one day sitting across from a client who was in distress and...

Robyn Arouty (27:39.228)
I'm not proud of this, I will preface this, but this is the truth of what happened. And so my inner voice was kind of like a valley girl and I remember thinking like, oh my god, what a bummer. But I don't know if I like those pillows on the sofa or not. And I thought in that moment, the ethical thing to do would be to go on sabbatical, which is what I did. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (28:03.706)
Wow, I did not know that story. I love, I love your authenticity. Because I think there's so many misconceptions about therapy. And sometimes I think people think we are a little robotic. And sometimes people think, you know, but you know, for many of us, for various reasons, we do have

Robyn Arouty (28:07.72)
Yeah.

Robyn Arouty (28:11.055)
Hey!

Robyn Arouty (28:18.976)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (28:25.214)
an ability to disassociate and to stay safe in a moment. And who knows what was going on with that client, right? But I love that you knew and you were so self-aware to be like, oh, hello. That's probably not what I should be thinking about or should it?

Robyn Arouty (28:33.152)
Yes.

Robyn Arouty (28:37.556)
Well, I knew, yeah, no, I knew that much. I knew that much. There was a lot more to it, of course, and I had my own, yes, the dissociation kind of things because, so I guess up until that point, I had been to therapy, traditional therapy. I think it was with a psychologist. Soon after college,

And she was like, yeah, you have generalized anxiety disorder. And then we would sit and do talk therapy and, you know, round and round with all of my thoughts. And it didn't do anything. And then when I was a therapist, I went to a practitioner, let's call her, like who did energy healing. And I will tell you one session with her.

felt like, you know, it could be months in talk therapy to like get that kind of result. And I just remember thinking at the time, you know what, there's something to that. I know that I'm not, I'm not happy in this role. I'm very, I felt very disgruntled with the whole, you know, like insurance, but the fact that

this way that I was operating in the modalities that I knew, how I was trained, I needed to go because I knew there was a better way to help people with their healing. I just had no idea. So of course, this was like 2005. I'm not good at math, so it's a while ago. And yeah, I just, it was like

I'll be back if something else shows up. But, and then I just went on this wacky artist journey. And I'm like back. So it's a true, true moment of gratitude, seriously, to like be sitting with you because, you know, a year ago was sort of my rock bottom, you know? And we haven't even started to talk about the photography and the rescuing and all that kind of stuff. Yeah.

Robyn Arouty (31:00.316)
So I've been humaning since I left my practice in 2005, the whole time trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Like, I hate to put it in those words, but like, it feels really freeing to say that.

Kim Rapach (31:12.939)
Mm.

Kim Rapach (31:16.814)
It's so common though.

Robyn Arouty (31:21.492)
So I have, if you haven't noticed, a strong personality. And so I just kind of would take over conversations and I think I was a little intimidating to most therapists that I would like go to or whatever. So when it came time for me to get treatment this time,

Hold on, I got way ahead of myself. I started to say that I wondered, yeah, well, okay, fast forward, my therapist now, her name is Lori, and I remember talking to her saying, listen, I need someone to call me on my shit. I can't, there's a lot that I can't see, I don't know what it is, I know something's wrong with me, you know, like it was that sort of thing because I had depression and anxiety and panic attacks.

And I, you know, it's just exhausting because here I was 56 years old, struggling. I had my first panic attack when I graduated from the University of Texas during the ceremony in 1984. No, 1988, 1988.

Yeah, because I felt trapped, you know, I was scared I was going to throw up because I had drank too much the night before celebrating. And, huh, my graduation from college. Yeah, so that's when I experienced my first panic attack. I felt trapped, you know, anyway.

Kim Rapach (32:48.78)
What was the ceremony?

Robyn Arouty (33:01.32)
So, Lori, fast forward, Lori has been able to call me on my shit is like one way to put it. The other way to put it is I finally felt safe enough with someone to learn how to become my authentic self.

You know, and there's a lot that goes on. But yeah, I really thought, you know, what is wrong with me? And I was like all the self-help books and the, you know, toxic positivity shit. And like, I just...

Robyn Arouty (33:49.724)
Yeah, I was gaslighting myself for a long time, you know, like that I had a mean girl in my head.

Kim Rapach (33:56.118)
Well, I have a hard question. Well, maybe it's not hard. Maybe an interesting question. This idea that there's something wrong with me. You said I spent a lot of time humaning, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. This was after you had been a therapist. Do you think your training to be a therapist affirmed that there was something wrong with you?

Robyn Arouty (34:06.721)
Yeah.

Robyn Arouty (34:32.532)
You know, I'm getting so much farther away from like labels and diagnoses these days. So yeah, in the traditional sense, a therapist is going to diagnose you, a psychiatrist is going to diagnose you, a psychologist is going to diagnose you. And then you have this label.

and you get to walk around with it and like not really totally understand, you know, but then you create narratives of like what that means and then it just keeps like piling up, right? So by the diagnosis, you know, and the symptoms I was experiencing, depression and anxiety and we can get more into that what that mean, you know, what that meant for me.

Kim Rapach (35:04.931)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn Arouty (35:22.087)
Um...

Robyn Arouty (35:26.864)
It was before, during, and after that I thought something was wrong with me. To answer your question, I guess. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (35:32.37)
Yeah. Well, and the reason I ask is because my training, I would say as a social worker, as a therapist, absolutely.

you know, was in line with the medical model of therapy, right, where there's mental illness. And there are some people who have mental illness and some who don't, and those who come to you who do, here's what's wrong with them and here's how you treat it. You know, and I think of like, even like dissociation, we were talking about dissociation. I was thinking about this earlier today that when I was in school and I learned about dissociation, or, you know, for those who don't know, it's like where you go.

You kind of stare, you lose touch with reality, you just protect yourself. In school, I thought that was terrifying if someone were to dissociate. That meant that they had serious mental illness, that they were possibly schizophrenic. And for me, someone who has a lot of trauma, I just didn't want to be any of those things I was learning about. So as long as I was the caregiver, I wasn't the patient, right? Until I was. But...

Robyn Arouty (36:33.952)
Right.

Kim Rapach (36:36.962)
understanding now dissociation is such a gift for trauma survivors. It's your nervous system, your brain protecting you from familiar feelings. And when you understand that it's human and it's survival, then you can learn how to come back into present. But it's so many things that I learned just were so big and scary that aren't anymore. Like what was big and scary as far as quote unquote mental illness is now

What I see is a lot of just humanity and trauma.

Robyn Arouty (37:09.56)
Yeah, it was just for highly sensitive people born into this world like us, who have a creative brain. You know, we went to different places to keep ourselves safe, right, when we were growing up because the movie that we were seeing of our lives, you know, it just was sometimes difficult to bear.

And so, you know, there's only so much that you, that your little brain can handle, you know, as it's developing. So it just, at one point, you know, will literally shut off and then you just kind of zone out and yeah.

Kim Rapach (37:51.627)
Yeah.

So you had your first panic attack at your college graduation.

Where did it go after that? What was your journey with depression and anxiety? Because you mentioned addiction too.

Robyn Arouty (38:09.408)
Yeah.

Robyn Arouty (38:13.796)
Uh...

Gosh, where do I even begin? So I didn't really know what was going on during that time, during graduation. I just felt like, oh my God, I'm gonna die or I'm gonna throw up or I'm gonna like do something.

It was crazy. And luckily, one of my best friends, you know, we were seated in alphabetical order. So my last name ends with A, and her last name ended with D. And somehow by the grace of God, she wound up behind me, and she was using the little pamphlet to like fan me off, and you know, just sort of like being there for me or whatever, but it was just like the worst thing ever. So anyway.

I guess I kind of hit the ground running after graduation. You know, it was like important for me to like find a job, but it would be a couple of years before I would experience, start experiencing panic attacks like on a regular basis. Oftentimes they would

get sparked by me like in traffic, like going over bridges, on planes, sitting in the middle of a row, like at a Broadway show, you know? So it was that sort of trapped-y, you know, out of control, da da. So, you know, up until the past year, I guess most of my...

Robyn Arouty (39:45.612)
comprehension of all this stuff was from the neck up, right? Cause you know, I had, I just, I didn't feel things, right? I just, it all got shut down. I was just numb because in my family growing up, like I didn't learn about emotions and feelings. And there wasn't like an emotionally supported parent, not even one of them, you know? And so it's just,

That was the product of like trying to figure it out on my own. And so when, again, when you're highly sensitive and when you're creative, like you're going to create narratives and stories about your life and about the thoughts that are running through your head and what that means and da da, and your body is going to act accordingly. And so panic attacks and depression and anxiety are the response of the thoughts that are going through your head.

You know? So, yeah, it just was like, when you're on autopilot and you're trying to like, reach your goals and become, get this job and get this boyfriend and get this, do all the things, it's a total autopilot type thing. And it wasn't until a year ago that I sat down and started like really hashing some of this stuff out. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (41:08.834)
Yeah, what sparked that? You said your rock bottom was about a year ago. What sparked that? Because it sounds like, and I, you know, we're, you know, we're fast friends. We became fast friends, but we're still getting to know each other. I'm curious.

Robyn Arouty (41:21.656)
I know. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (41:25.95)
What did what did that look like? And what made you make the decision? Because it sounds like you've done therapy off and on for a long time, you've been human in as you said, but it sounds like you've been on a different journey this past year. So can you walk us through how that started and how it's going?

Robyn Arouty (41:28.392)
Hmm.

Robyn Arouty (41:35.764)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn Arouty (41:43.752)
Okay, so I had been on antidepressants for 15, 20 years. And they were prescribed by a friend of mine who is a psychiatrist who I worked with at the inpatient hospitals, right? So every three months I was going in for my med check and it was like, hey, what's up? Have you talked to so-and-so? And it was just like very light and you know. And then...

I guess about a year and a half ago, I went to her and I was like, I don't feel great. Like, I don't know, just, I don't think my meds are working anymore.

Robyn Arouty (42:25.568)
And so she said, okay, well, let's try something else. So it was the same appointment, like we kept trying different stuff. So fast forward six months of that, and I'm having lunch with a friend who tells, she mentioned something about her psychiatrist and that she just thinks the world of her and she's on this combination of meds that she's just feeling better that she's has in a long time. And something I thought, let me get a second opinion.

So I went to her and after like an hour and a half, two hours, she looked at me and she said, okay, so you've been on 10 plus antidepressant SSRIs for the past year and nothing's worked. You have treatment resistant anxiety and depression. And have you ever heard of ketamine?

And I was like, so to answer, to go back though, like.

You know, I was very, it was hard to get out of bed. It was, it was hard to work, you know, luckily.

I have the most amazing assistant who was literally like running my business and I would show up for the photo shoots and then go back to my bed, you know, like, and from social media and from out, you know, like people would never have known this, like, because I was really good at, you know, I guess I'm like a natural actress or whatever, like I just put on a good show, but I was literally like zoned out, you know. So...

Kim Rapach (44:10.358)
Well, thank you for being honest about that, because I think that's very common that we all, if we're on social media, we're wrestling with. I don't want to

Robyn Arouty (44:17.256)
Yeah, you show your best stuff, right?

Kim Rapach (44:20.318)
Yeah, and it's not to pretend to be someone else, but it's also, there's so many reasons, right? We don't wanna burden people. It's not the appropriate place often. It's not our therapy. And so, you know, but I think when we can come back around from behind and say, looking back, if you looked at my content, you wouldn't have known I was suffering. And that's so significant. So just thank you for saying that.

Robyn Arouty (44:45.318)
Um...

So what happened was it was a combination of, I think the medicine stopped working at the same time that I was going through menopause. So that's another whole can of worms, right? Menopause that we don't, a lot of people don't talk about, it's so taboo, all this kind of stuff. And so.

Yeah, I don't know how much you want me to talk about what happened after that because a lot happened, yeah.

Kim Rapach (45:21.886)
You, whatever you want to talk about, it's not, you know, it's whatever you want to talk about.

Robyn Arouty (45:28.912)
Um, I will tell you that my follow-up appointment with her, with this, this psychiatrist was like, um, three months later and I started the ketamine right away. I was totally afraid, but I found people who had done it and I found out where I should go and then I had a therapist who was ketamine informed and somatic experience.

uh, trained and you know, all, all of the buzzwords that I just kept hearing, like at that time that I should get somebody who looked like this as far as a therapist. I didn't know what any of it fucking meant. I really didn't, but I found her. Thank God. And so anyway, about three months later, like it, the work that I was doing, which was therapy twice a week with her.

and ketamine infusions, which to date, over the past year, I've done nine. But they have you do six over the course of like two to three weeks. So it's like you hit the ground running. So I walk in, no, the psychiatrist, her name's Norma, she comes out to the lobby to get me and I'm like, hi Norma, da, da. And she totally stopped her attraction. She goes, wait.

Who are you? Like she literally did not recognize me and you know, was joking around, but put out her hand to like shake my hand and go, it is nice to meet you. And then had this huge grin as I'm telling her, you know, what happened over the course of the last three months and all the things that I learned and da da. And she was like, couldn't believe it.

And she was like, I don't need to see you until I need to see you. And so I got off the Adderall. I got off. Yeah. So talking about addictions, you asked me about that earlier. Uh, definitely. Well, there was cigarettes and Adderall and as far as addictions, that's the main stuff, but then social media and scrolling and then shopping, you know, the whole. Yeah. Addictions.

Kim Rapach (47:16.696)
Wow.

Robyn Arouty (47:46.324)
So I'm still working on a couple, but the smoking's gone, the vaping's gone, the, yeah.

Kim Rapach (47:46.468)
Yeah. Wow.

Kim Rapach (47:54.05)
So I have to ask, this is, I think is so important where we don't really talk a lot about is this from point A to point B, right? This whole podcast is dedicated, you know, and filled with people with amazing stories like yours where they've come out of the dark into the light, if you will, for lack of better terms, right? They've suffered and now they're thriving. They were checked out, now they're living. They were suicidal and now they're...

Robyn Arouty (48:15.163)
Yep.

Kim Rapach (48:22.922)
trying to keep other people alive. But somewhere in there, we have to make a decision. We have to choose. And I always say a warrior is someone who chooses to fight for themselves before they fight for everyone else. What made you decide that you wanted to fight for yourself, that you wanted something different?

Robyn Arouty (48:49.396)
There's like so many ways I could answer you with that, but the first thing that came to mind was a few months into my therapy, which literally is trying to... I was in crisis, right? So the first few months is like, let's just, you know, try to scrape her off the floor.

Robyn Arouty (49:19.964)
it took a little while to start talking about inner child stuff. So I don't like that term. My therapist and I agreed like we don't even like our inner like what and I was like, don't even talk to me about that shit, you know? And then one day I said to her, I just wanted to talk more about it. So I said, um, I don't even know what to say, blah, blah. So I had started writing at that point.

I stopped writing for a few years. I stopped painting for a few years leading up to this point. So I'm starting to journal and I'm like, dear, you know, so I started calling, I named her little R.A., little R.A. Oh, well, no, I'm not gonna stand up because I don't have my, I got my yoga pants on. Wouldn't be cute. So anyway, there's pictures of her over here. But.

Kim Rapach (50:10.53)
We don't have pants on.

Kim Rapach (50:17.182)
If you want to go get it, I can edit it out. Yeah, totally. I'll just edit it. And by the way, I'll stand up too because I just want to show you, but like my pants do not match my shirt. We'll just cut, we'll do it, we'll edit it and post as my son says.

Robyn Arouty (50:19.356)
Oh really? Okay, hold on. Let's see.

Robyn Arouty (50:26.742)
Yeah.

Hey, perfect. All right, hold on.

Robyn Arouty (50:36.128)
Okay.

Robyn Arouty (50:39.792)
Isn't she cute? Yeah, so that's a little array.

Kim Rapach (50:42.283)
Aww, she's so cute little R.A. So for our listeners, there's a beautiful picture of Robin's younger self. Thank you for sharing that. That's who you're fighting for.

Robyn Arouty (50:52.884)
So, sure. So, but this is really cool and it's gonna tie into the dog stuff and you'll like it. So, during that session, you know, when I was like, I don't know what to say, I don't know, and she goes, you know how you talk to your dogs? And I was like, yes. And she goes, just start like that. Because I was like.

I didn't know what nurturing meant and all that. Like, I missed a lot of stuff. I missed the memo. So I was like, okay. So I started writing her and it just was like stream of conscious, right? You just have to start somewhere like, hey, what's up? I guess it's been a while. Like, you know, you just start like, so then she taught me that the way that I can access her,

because this is what she learned, was to put, she puts her hands on her chest and speaks to her, right? Because anxiety really is your, the younger version of yourself.

going, hello, notice me, notice me. I mean, anxiety, like everybody wants to push anxiety away, but what are you doing? You're pushing away the little girl. You're pushing away the little child. You know, like, would you do that to an actual child, neglect a child or push her away or yell or, you know, ignore her? No. And so, but that's essentially what you're doing until you start breaking it down and going, okay. And so if,

When I started feeling anxious, yeah, it would be like, okay, talk to me. What do you need from me in this moment?

Kim Rapach (52:50.114)
That's so profound in the Enneagram coaching that I do, it's trauma informed, but it's essentially very similar to that. It's, you know, how old do you feel? And when we revisit that story, it is what do you need? Because that's what we need now. And we're, you know, coming at it from slightly different directions, but it's all the same, yeah.

Robyn Arouty (52:51.948)
You know?

Robyn Arouty (53:00.064)
Yeah.

Robyn Arouty (53:19.071)
I had been, I had a library full of self-help books. I watched every episode of Oprah and like, until something speaks to your soul in the way that it's supposed to, in the timing that is right for your particular journey, you're going to be able to do it. You're going to be able to do it.

You know, it's just like, and so it didn't happen for me till 56 years old. So it's fine, you know, because I get to live the rest of my life on my terms. It's me and little RA against the world now. Like we are, you know, we're tight.

Kim Rapach (54:02.974)
It's so compassionate. You cannot condemn or judge yourself into healing. And I love to hear your compassion for yourself. It's so powerful. And imagine, I didn't hear any of that. I mean, compassionate listening, being compassionate with clients. Yes.

Robyn Arouty (54:09.277)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (54:26.614)
But the most I ever heard from myself to be a good clinician was, and you might wanna check out some therapy yourself. There was never like, be compassionate with yourself so that you can be compassionate with others. I didn't have any of that. And I know that it's changing, right? And I'm grateful for that. But you and I just have such a shared experience of what we've learned and what is actually working and how we're thriving is not from old school,

Robyn Arouty (54:35.926)
Mmm

Kim Rapach (54:57.01)
psychotherapy.

Robyn Arouty (54:58.182)
Mm-mm.

Now we were, you know, like supposed to be these healing machines or something. I don't know.

Robyn Arouty (55:12.28)
Heroes. Not so much.

Kim Rapach (55:16.65)
Right, exactly. So tell us about the dogs. Where did the dogs enter your beautiful story?

Robyn Arouty (55:18.302)
Yeah.

Robyn Arouty (55:29.16)
So, um...

Robyn Arouty (55:35.12)
I'm trying to decide how far back I wanna go. Let's go with, okay, so Maya, can you see my tattoo? So she was a Jack Russell terrier Chinese crested mix. So Chinese crested is the funky hairless dog, right? And I adopted her when she was four months old at this shelter, like in 1996. So it was like before...

Kim Rapach (55:44.734)
Yes, cute.

Robyn Arouty (56:04.392)
you know, rescue and adoption was really cool. And I just, I don't know. I went to go visit and then she just like lit up my world. I knew it was exactly. So it was just she and I for a while. And then I got her, I adopted another dog named Bo so that she could have a buddy, but she was just obsessed with me and then he was obsessed with her and it was fine. We were a nice little family, but.

So fast forward, I was, see this is hard because I was a therapist and then I started an eBay store.

because remember I told you I was into the vintage and mid-century furniture and lighting. And so I was dating this guy that was a furniture picker. And so he would come home every day, literally with the back of his truck filled with all these treasures from the day.

And I was like, here for it. Well, somebody had to learn photography to put cool pictures on the eBay store so that we could go on and sell this stuff to interior designers all over the world. Which is what happened. It was, it fucking took off. It was insane. So I went on sabbatical, right. Because the eBay store took off. Well, I was literally teaching myself photography in the living room.

Kim Rapach (57:19.914)
Are you kidding me?

Robyn Arouty (57:34.664)
with three hot lights and a point and shoot Canon PowerShot point and shoot camera. So what happened was I was, you know, so I hate to say OCD, but like I just was being a perfectionist about trying to get the lighting right and blah, blah. Well, what happened was like my eBay store became this portfolio for my product photography. So people were going there and then hiring me to photograph the products for their websites.

So that's how that started.

Kim Rapach (58:05.474)
That's amazing.

Robyn Arouty (58:07.428)
It was cool. Well, so I'm in the living room and I'm taking pictures of, you know, the sofa, the chair, whatever, and Bo and Maya started getting up on the furniture all the time, because they just wanted, right. So I had a lot of pictures with, you know, the stuff I was selling, but they were on it. So that's how the dogs on furniture kind of happened. But pretty soon after that, I started volunteering for the big animal shelter at Houston called BART.

Kim Rapach (58:18.286)
Of course they did.

Robyn Arouty (58:36.32)
and nobody had ever taken pictures of the adoptable pets and stuff. It was really, you know, it was like a high kill rate. It was very much animal, dog catcher type mentality, you know, back then. And so I started, I just brought my camera up and then teamed up with a magazine at the time. And then there was this writer that would do these like very funny off-color

descriptions of the pets and people started, I posted to Facebook. So this was early on Facebook, like 2009. And we started getting dogs adopted out of the shelter. And it was just like, I was hooked. I was like, this is the coolest thing in the freaking world. So then I was on my whole rescue journey and photographing adoptable pets. But then what happened was,

people started going, could you take pictures of me and my dog? And I was like, okay. And so I didn't have a studio then, but I just, I would go scout the crustiest, most cool urban locations. And I didn't like to do the same location twice. So it was very fresh and new. And these women would just be like, okay, you just tell me where and when. And they would show up with their dog and their six inch heels and.

It was crazy. And then the summer hit in Houston. And so I was like, I gotta figure out, you know, how I'm gonna do this. And so that's when the studio came and now I'm like in my fourth or fifth studio.

Kim Rapach (01:00:16.682)
Because for those who don't know, it's like 300 degrees in Houston in the summer.

Robyn Arouty (01:00:20.032)
300 for sure.

So one thing, yeah, so like six weeks later, I had this full-time, you know, accidental career that I never planned.

Kim Rapach (01:00:32.374)
Well, I mean, it just seems like so much of what you do just takes off. Like when you, I think this is true for all of us, but you are such a great example of it. When you are true to yourself and in your essence, it just takes off, right? And you don't fight it. And so the eBay thing, the eBay store just took off. You didn't have a plan to have a successful eBay store. It just like, it happened. And then you're volunteering with dogs and you start taking pictures and then boom, it happens.

And I want you to also talk about the story that you wrote for your friend. The article called I died today. People need to know about that.

Robyn Arouty (01:01:15.008)
So, I want to say though, back then, I called it, I referred to it as following my heart. That's just like, I didn't know what else to call it. But it was like this inner knowing, like, of what I was supposed to do next. And I really back then, yes, there was 10 solid years of everything I touched turned to gold. It just, because people were not do, I made pet photography a thing in town.

You know, and then my work started to be seen, you know, internationally and nationally and da da. And part of it was in 2014, what you're referring to, one of my friends had a dog named Duke. He called him Dukie and he was a black lab and he had three legs because one of them was removed from a previous cancer diagnosis.

And another cancer had come and we were in touch and she said, I remember being on a three-way conversation and one of our friends had just started a, she was a veterinarian and they were doing at home euthanasia. And this was kind of a new thing, that new concept back then, right? Cause when you put your dog down, you take them to the bed and da da, and it's like fucking traumatic. It just is.

So now they're doing it in the comfort of their home. So anyway, I asked her, would it be okay to bring the camera? And she said, sure.

So when I walked into their home, it was like this party atmosphere. It's very hard to explain. But the first thing I saw was this pyramid of cheeseburgers on the kitchen counter. And then there were neighbors there and some other friends. And then here was, you know, Dookie and...

Robyn Arouty (01:03:18.12)
It was like this total celebration of his life. And then the kids came over and they were feeding him the cheeseburger and the fries. And so I just was really like, I want to capture this day for my friend. It was like a love token, you know? So anyway.

We wound up talking to the vet. We decided we wanted to take him to this like neighborhood park. And it was like a splash park for like one last hurrah because he loved going there. So the vet pulls up when we're getting ready to leave. And we said, could we do this at the park instead of at the house? And she was like, I will follow you.

Kim Rapach (01:03:53.422)
Sure.

Kim Rapach (01:04:02.03)
and

Kim Rapach (01:04:06.35)
Hmm.

Robyn Arouty (01:04:09.649)
So that's what happened. And that night I went home and I was sitting with the pictures and I was listening to Mary J. Blige, I don't know, talk about like, there's certain music that your soul connects to and she just, when I wanted to really, really feel and be in the moment back then, I would listen to Mary J. And so I'm going through the pictures and then the words.

They didn't come here. They just were like being whispered to me and in this simple form as if Dookie was telling the story of the day. So if you go look on my website, it's just very simple and sort of quotes from him under each picture. So I shared it and then lo and behold, other people started sharing it and it spread like wildfire. And I would say it took about

Kim Rapach (01:04:41.047)
Hmm

Robyn Arouty (01:05:06.668)
five-ish days and it went viral and I was being contacted by like media, you know, news things. We were on Inside Edition. Like, it was like, it was wacky.

Um, and so Jordan was Dookie's mom. And so she and I would be like doing these interviews together and all this kind of stuff. Well, back then, uh, I didn't, I lacked confidence and I did not want to be seen. And so all of this kind of this viral business took me by surprise. And what happened was it was getting posted everywhere. The story.

Well, it was so relatable that it was making people comment with their stories of their losing their pets, right? And it was making men all over the world cry. Like, I mean, this thing came with warnings. We were on, is it HLN, the thing, and they said, you know, make sure you do your tissues. You have tissues ready and.

So it felt like this like global group therapy thing that I, again, I just not, I just wanna do something nice for my friend.

Robyn Arouty (01:06:28.968)
And then there was this pressure from like, I hired this PR firm to like help me navigate all this media stuff, cause I just was like overwhelmed. And they were like, well, what do you wanna promote? You know, you gotta tell us, what do you wanna, you know. And I was like, what are you talking about? And they were like, you know, like, so that you can make money and da da, I was like, I don't even get what you're.

I don't have anything to promote. I just, I'm in Houston and I take pictures of people on their pets and I did this as a favor and they were like, they didn't know what to do with me. So anyway, after that is when the depression really started to set in. After that whole viral experience, yeah. Yeah, and then it just went until last year.

Kim Rapach (01:07:09.622)
Hmm.

Kim Rapach (01:07:22.218)
Wow, so how long is the span of years? Like 10, five?

Robyn Arouty (01:07:22.985)
Yeah.

years um so this was 2014 yeah

Kim Rapach (01:07:33.866)
Okay, so like eight, it's a long time to suffer. Have you, Robin, have you been able to make a connection to what got triggered with the depression after that viral experience? We live in a world where we're literally raising children to want to go viral.

Robyn Arouty (01:07:38.102)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:07:55.39)
Right. But let's talk about, I love that you're so honest about, here's what really happens. It's overwhelming. Everybody starts to have opinions, money gets brought into it. Like, do you know what triggered from that experience to feeling so empty?

Robyn Arouty (01:07:55.424)
I don't know.

Robyn Arouty (01:08:16.812)
Fundamentally, I did not feel comfortable in my own skin. I did not feel safe in my body or in the world. So when the world came knocking... ..

Kim Rapach (01:08:22.99)
Hmm.

Robyn Arouty (01:08:33.58)
Peace out. Out. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't want you to see me. I was hiding behind the camera and I felt very safe with dogs and hiding behind the camera. Get the fuck away from me with all this shit.

Robyn Arouty (01:08:53.288)
Yeah. But can I can put it into words to you today? Could I back then? No.

Robyn Arouty (01:09:04.408)
No. And I didn't necessarily seek treatment back then.

I mean, you do it when you're ready. And I mean, I think for so many people, it's when you hit rock bottom, whatever that kind of looks like, but like.

to be able to say, I don't feel comfortable in my own skin, and to come to that realization, and again, the ketamine helped me do that, and that's another whole, maybe we can do a part two and talk about that.

I was just unaware of why I felt the way that I did for like ever. Did that answer your question?

Kim Rapach (01:09:50.819)
Yeah. So the ketamine, if you want to say just a little bit about how that process works, because a lot of people probably don't even know what that is.

Robyn Arouty (01:10:02.728)
So ketamine is, well they used it, I think with horses and dogs as like a tranquilizer. And I think also as, is it called like an anal, for children like in the ER, but it's a dissociative drug. And in smaller doses,

through the infusion. So there's a couple of different ways that they administer it, which is now approved by the FDA to help with depression, anxiety, PTSD. And my diagnosis now is CPSD, PTSD, which doesn't surprise you, I'm sure. Complex post-traumatic stress disorder.

Kim Rapach (01:10:46.742)
But do you want to explain what that is?

Robyn Arouty (01:10:53.148)
which again we could have we could talk for three hours about this you know um post-traumatic stress disorder is not necessarily the trauma only the trauma that happens to you in your childhood like if there would be a fire or divorce or death or something like that it's what you needed that you didn't necessarily receive

in the way of, you know, emotional support or feeling safe or, you know, just whatever. So, yeah, maybe you should say what CPTSD is. Like, you could probably give a better definition than I could.

Kim Rapach (01:11:36.562)
Yeah, well, my understanding is CPSC PTSD is more of the chronic ongoing traumatic experiences, whether they are overt or covert, meaning obvious or more subtle that happened over a period of time that are prolonged.

Kim Rapach (01:11:58.087)
or multiple forms of trauma.

Robyn Arouty (01:12:02.708)
So the ketamine, I opted for infusions, which was a needle that went in my hand and then the drug is administered that way. But there's also companies like Mind Bloom and Joyous that do a home sort of and virtual meetings with the doctors and it's like a lozenge and it's a much smaller dose and you kind of titrate up or whatever. But when you do the infusions,

about an hour and so you're in kind of a small, pretty basic room on a recliner. You are the doctor that.

owns and runs this infusion clinic in Houston is an anesthesiologist. Okay, so she's very medically minded. Unfortunately, they were not as psychology and therapeutically supportive minded as I would like to see and as other ketamine clinics around the country are.

So luckily I had my therapist who actually had experienced ketamine from her PTSD after fleeing Hurricane Harvey with her three dogs and then losing everything, her home and everything. So she, and she doesn't mind me saying that, but she did the Mind Bloom treatment for ketamine and it was very successful. So it was amazing to have somebody who like had already experienced

Kim Rapach (01:13:26.707)
Hmm.

Robyn Arouty (01:13:42.878)
So, um, I was, you know, my anxiety was like through the roof. I got the doctor talking to me about all this medical stuff. I really don't know what to expect. I'm there with my BFF who's like holding my hand and the doctor presses the button before I knew she was. So I felt a little strange and I said to her, did you start it?

Anyway, this is a, it's a horrible story to tell, but it's the truth of what happened. So I went in a full blown panic attack during my first ketamine session. And I was hysterical and it was maddening. And I do not know how, but I went back for the second one. It took every bit of strength, because I just like, I had this much hope.

Kim Rapach (01:14:21.954)
Hmm.

Robyn Arouty (01:14:37.872)
And I just, I went and I said, listen, so that was like too high of a dose or like something. And you gotta tell me when you're gonna press the button. And then it was like, I started observing myself like, oh, you're telling her how you feel. You are, you have needs. You know, and so, you know, the ketamine starts growing new.

neuro pathways in your brain, like changes the physical properties of your brain. And so after the first dose, the first session, I was already seeing like my perceptions start to change overnight. It was insane. So this was, you know, without even doing any therapeutic work, which of course, that just sped things up even more. So she goes, okay, I'll tell you what.

I want to keep the same dosage, but I'm going to do it over a longer period of time. So we're going to do 60 minutes at this dose. How do you feel about that? And I was like, okay, I guess we'll try it. So anyway, that was much better. But I still every session, all of the nine were very different. Most of them. I was crying from the depths of my freaking soul. I was remembering things. I was, you know,

Kim Rapach (01:16:00.014)
Hmm.

Robyn Arouty (01:16:05.244)
It's not going to plant memories that never happened or whatever. It's just bringing things to the surface that you need to see to heal yourself. Period. So yeah, I knew that I was going to have to like be really brave and weather this storm, but I had no idea how brutal the work was going to be. I had no idea. There is no quick fix.

Kim Rapach (01:16:18.637)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn Arouty (01:16:35.26)
with the work. There's no quick fix to healing. There is no quick fix to moving on from anxiety, depression, and panic attacks. There's just not the only way out is through.

Kim Rapach (01:16:50.986)
Yeah. Well, for the record, I have zero experience with ketamine. And so I am certainly not an expert, but I've had a lot of questions for you. I have been fascinated by your experience. And partly because, you know, we do we live in a world we live in a society that does want to give us the quick fixes right like

anything from you need better mascara to a bigger house or a bigger car to this alcohol, try these drugs, you know, drugs and alcohol are sexy and normal. And like you said, the only way is through even pharmacology through traditional, you know, site, you know, psychiatry. There's I think the

the attempt to change your brain chemistry so that you don't feel what's causing your suffering. But what you're describing and what we've talked about is very, very different. It's ketamine is not a bandaid. It does not make you not feel. In fact, it opens up.

the pathways in your brain to be able to feel safe enough to recognize, oh my gosh, I have feelings I have a need. I have a voice I have to ask for what I need, which is probably tied to your story right and so I just I just wanted to kind of clarify again I'm not an expert but

I find that fascinating because we live in a world that says, shut that down. Don't feel it. You deserve better. And, and we're, you know, we have so many people. So, and I was one of them walking around anxious, terrified, angry, you know, intoxicated, whatever, just trying to not have to think about our experiences.

Robyn Arouty (01:18:44.456)
We wanted to numb our pain. So the addictions, even to a certain extent, the SSRIs, the psychotropic meds, they just numb you out. So we're just a bunch of zombies walking around, not really dealing with the true, true essence of the pain that brought us to that point. You know what I mean? It's just like.

Kim Rapach (01:18:53.503)
Right, that's what I'm saying.

Kim Rapach (01:18:58.114)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:19:10.91)
Yeah, and I want to I do want to clarify because you and I have such common experiences, but also I want to you know, just like what you said, the only way through is through. And also, there's certainly nothing wrong like we're not here to say you shouldn't do, you know, psychiatry or you shouldn't do therapy, like that is not the message and it's but it is a journey. And I don't think I don't think we're ever ready to go from dark suffering to

Robyn Arouty (01:19:15.327)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:19:40.602)
liberation, right overnight, like you said, there's no quick fix. And for me, it did start with my first therapist and it evolved over the years to, you know, a few different medications. And then it was coaching and then it was trauma work and narrative therapy. And, you know, and it's just, it's a process. So I just, I just wanted to be clear. Like we're not here saying like, this is the only way, just give yourself permission to do.

Robyn Arouty (01:19:44.085)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:20:08.466)
what works for you and be fluid and be flexible and be curious and paying attention to what works for you.

Robyn Arouty (01:20:14.78)
I think the message is there are all different kinds of ways. We're at a time where luckily we have a choice, but we also have to be our own advocate, right? Because doctors aren't perfect, psychiatrists aren't perfect, therapists aren't perfect.

I mean, I hadn't done my work, but I was treating people. I mean, luckily I was able to be effective still in the state that I was in, denial. But, you know, anyway, we have choices. Something is better than nothing. You keep trying things until something work. I mean, like in retrospect, like I had been trying.

different things until yeah something finally worked something spoke to me um it just it worked for me that's not to say like i'm not a guru and i'm not saying like do a b and c i just know that uh especially with the

you know, FDA approvals for ketamine and now psychedelics are going to be like, you know, coming. I really think that is going to be the future of psychology. Traditional talk therapy, I think is going to go by the wayside. Sorry, but that's what I believe. Sorry, not sorry. Hey. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:21:47.21)
Yeah, sorry, not sorry. Yeah, I think, you know, when I, cause I, again, I've gone through the whole process, both as a client and a professional. And I think there is a place for talk therapy. I think it can be effective depending on what your goals are. And from my experience on both sides of the couch, if you will,

Robyn Arouty (01:21:59.41)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:22:15.194)
when especially when you have trauma or you have complex trauma, we need more. We need more than talk therapy because if you think about what happens in our nervous system, right, you enter a story, you enter a traumatic experience, and you're only talking about it.

that can be dangerous. And if you're in a traditional therapy model where you get 56 minutes because that's what your insurance will cover, then that can be dangerous. And that was one of probably the worst feelings I ever had as a therapist, was having someone on the couch in tears or in terror or in anxiety because we were working through something and I had to stop.

And so when I started my coaching, I just swear I would never do that again. I don't, I don't time anything anymore. Um, I mean, I have some semblance of a schedule, but I don't have stacked. You know, appointments with clients backed back for that very reason. Um, and then the other thing I was going to say something else. What else was I going to say?

Kim Rapach (01:23:22.827)
I don't remember. It'll come back to me.

Robyn Arouty (01:23:24.861)
It'll come back.

Kim Rapach (01:23:26.666)
Yeah, we were talking about talk therapy.

Robyn Arouty (01:23:30.772)
you know, just to tie this into the dog thing, because I feel like we haven't talked about dogs enough today. But...

I used to do several appointments in one day. You know, like I had a lot of energy and I was just like having so much fun. And you know, next appointment, next appointment, next appointment. Cause I was doing a lot of fundraising for rescue groups to help them offset their costs, you know, for medical treatment for dogs, abandoned, abused and neglected dogs, da da. Fast forward, now.

I realize so much more in the way of like, sensitive dog loving, dog obsessed people who come to me who want portraits of their pets and art, you know, for their walls, like with their dog and their family. I know that...

We need to take time when they first come because they were like just in traffic or they were trying to get ready or you know, and then the dogs going crazy in the car and you know, all this stuff. So we have like natural, what is it? Essential oil diffuser and nice music playing. And we literally like, I just get down on the floor and I'm like just playing with the dogs and stuff so that everybody can decompress for a good 20 minutes before the photo,

move into the light lights in the other room and stuff. So everybody just kind of like feeling safe and comfortable and we get better patrons for it you know. So my worlds have collided in all the ways for sure.

Kim Rapach (01:24:59.201)
Wow.

Kim Rapach (01:25:19.01)
Yeah, that's beautiful.

Robyn Arouty (01:25:19.38)
Yeah, and I think people experience, although I don't speak about this, I guess, in my marketing or whatever, but I think it's a healing experience for a lot of client, you know, my photography clients. The experience of coming for a photo shoot, I've never really put it outwardly in those words before, but people tell me in a roundabout way that, yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:25:49.418)
Yeah, for sure.

Robyn Arouty (01:25:49.44)
They just, they felt some kind of way about it. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:25:54.718)
Yeah, I love, I mean, I love how your professional and your personal background infuse an impact and, you know, even empower your work as an artist.

Robyn Arouty (01:26:01.205)
Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:26:09.006)
Yeah, and I think one of the profound things to, you know, I had told you, I had a podcast interview with someone who was a musician who's now a therapist, and you and I were therapists, and now we're doing other things, and you're, you know, I just, I think it's important that we all understand we can do so many different things.

So we are not locked into this one path. And in fact, I think the more open we are, like you said, follow your heart, you know, when you were following your heart.

you don't know what's coming next. And there's always going to be something coming next, whether, you know, most people are saying then the next is the other shoe is gonna drop, like something bad is gonna happen. And, you know, life does happen and tragedy happens. And that's, you know, part of being alive in a human, you know, existing in a human world.

But when you're open to it and you follow your heart and you're fighting for yourself and you're caring well for yourself and you're using your voice and you're healing your trauma, the world opens up. Like I don't have scientific data for it, but I see it every single day. You know, people are like, oh, I got that promotion. Of course you did because look what you've been doing.

You've been working, you've been connecting with that inner child. You've been loving yourself. You've been, you know, working out and telling yourself every day that you matter. Yeah, of course the world's opening up. So I just.

Robyn Arouty (01:27:35.048)
I used to call it following my heart, but now I say that I'm in alignment, which I know that you feel the same way. And I was thinking, I know. And I just feel like I'm meeting all of these people lately, like these soulmates, like you, like left and right are just like floating in going, okay, you know, you did the work.

Kim Rapach (01:27:43.566)
I literally just texted you that word before our call. Like, let's be honest.

Robyn Arouty (01:28:04.628)
to put your life in alignment for your greater purpose on this earth. And so once you do that, everything falls into place because it's not, you're not supposed to have all of the plans up here. You're supposed to shut the fuck up, slow down and listen to the messages.

And the, you know, because you've got everything that you need, it just, it gets laid out. It just gets laid out. And so, you know, here we are. I don't know. I know. I want to help you much more than just the podcast today. Like I want to be more involved in with your organization, I'm just saying. Because I love it.

Kim Rapach (01:28:43.059)
I love them.

Kim Rapach (01:28:52.518)
Yeah, you're sweet. Yeah, you're sweet. I love I love how this is all come together. I was trying to think if there was something else I wanted to ask you about. Was there anything that you wanted to share that you didn't?

Robyn Arouty (01:29:14.204)
I think, I think that's... oh gosh. I don't know.

Kim Rapach (01:29:18.506)
I mean, I do have kind of like my closing questions. If you're ready to go there.

Robyn Arouty (01:29:21.672)
Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:29:25.694)
I'm just going to ask you what you do on a regular basis to fight for yourself. And then the other question will be what would you offer as encouragement to someone who is maybe considering switching their career?

Robyn Arouty (01:29:46.347)
Mmm.

Kim Rapach (01:29:49.022)
And then I'm going to ask you, what would you say to somebody who might be listening to this, who might be suffering emotionally in silence? And then I'll ask how, like, how people can find you if they want to commission your work or find you.

Robyn Arouty (01:30:00.796)
Okay, do you want to rewind now and just do one at a time? One question at a time.

Kim Rapach (01:30:02.835)
I'll do it in that order.

Yep. Yep, that's what I'm gonna do. I was just giving you a heads up. Yeah. So, you know, I didn't want to throw you off. Okay. So stretch. I'm gonna drink water first.

Robyn Arouty (01:30:09.064)
Ah, okay, thank you.

Robyn Arouty (01:30:20.283)
Yeah, let me get some water.

Kim Rapach (01:30:20.334)
I didn't think I'm gonna freshen up my lip gloss too because my lips feel really dry. Isn't this nice? Like we can just cut out whatever we want. I'm gonna go ahead and do a little bit of a

Robyn Arouty (01:30:28.156)
Mm-hmm. Ugh.

Kim Rapach (01:30:31.353)
Okay.

Kim Rapach (01:30:35.346)
Robin, thank you so much. I love your story. And I look forward to just this new friendship that we have and getting to know you and your story and your healing process and just learning more about your gifts. We've already talked like I hope to make it to Texas and it would be amazing if I could bring our dogs. But I'm wondering, I just I want to glean from your experience. What might you like? Well, not what might you what do you do?

A warrior is someone who fights for themselves first. What do you do on a regular basis? Do you have any non-negotiables? Do you have daily practices? How do you stay in alignment with yourself, with your beliefs?

Robyn Arouty (01:31:24.904)
yes and yes and yes all of the above so uh

Robyn Arouty (01:31:34.444)
I definitely have compassion and patience for myself now. I don't judge myself anymore. Like I'm a former mean, there was a mean girl. Like I think I was outwardly kind of a mean girl, but then there was a mean girl that was living in my head too and she would judge, you know, everything I would say and do and the way I looked. And, you know, I could not.

I couldn't get past her. And now, but it took a while for me to even become aware that she was there. So she's not there anymore. And I definitely like, I'm not negative. There's no negative talking to myself. That's not permitted, you know? So yeah, so that is... Yeah, that's one big old thing.

Kim Rapach (01:32:25.054)
I love that. Good job. That is the work of a warrior for sure.

Robyn Arouty (01:32:34.464)
I mean, I do things like exercise and journal and light candles and incense and do vision boards and, you know, I spend time with people who bring me joy.

Robyn Arouty (01:32:51.092)
And I, you know, I say no now, like if that if it doesn't feel good, like in my body when I get the invitation and I go, okay, do I want to do that? Like, and if the answer is no, I just say thank you, but you know, can't make it or whatever. And I have no fucking guilt about it at all.

Kim Rapach (01:33:10.918)
Yeah, well, I think that's how we became friends was you. I think you literally said to me, like, I listened to my body and I feel the energy and I like what you're I've like your vibe. I like what you're doing. And I just like the energy I feel. And I want to know more. And I was like, I like that you pay attention to how you feel because that's what I do.

Robyn Arouty (01:33:33.882)
And do we want to say, so you had interviewed Kimberly.

Kim Rapach (01:33:38.281)
Kimberly Shannon Murphy.

Robyn Arouty (01:33:40.324)
And I had recently read her book Glimmer, and I was obsessed with her and her book. And I've just like, you know, you have to pay attention to the signs, right? And I'm like, okay, you know, some dots are connecting. And then I started like going down your Kim rabbit hole. And I was like, who is this bitch? Oh my God.

Kim Rapach (01:33:43.35)
Yeah.

Robyn Arouty (01:34:07.06)
She's amazing. Yeah. So then, and then here we are. I know. Ha ha ha.

Kim Rapach (01:34:10.986)
Oh, you're cute, you're make me blush. Who is this bitch?

Robyn Arouty (01:34:17.757)
Yeah, so did I answer that question?

Kim Rapach (01:34:18.434)
You're funny. You did, you did. And I think it's important, right? Because I think sometimes we do think it has to be this big transformational experience. And it's like, let's exercise, let's journal, let's spend time with people who fill our cup. Then, let's...

Robyn Arouty (01:34:36.8)
But I'm present, like I'm right here with you in this moment. But when you have anxiety and you have all that judging and negative self-talk and stuff, and like the negative loops in your head and stuff, like you are on autopilot. You are not, I am not with you right now in this moment. That's why.

Kim Rapach (01:34:53.719)
Right.

Robyn Arouty (01:35:00.432)
A lot of people with anxiety or who disassociate don't have a lot of memories, don't remember a lot from childhood because they were so busy in that fight or flight mode. Oh, you want to see Clark? Okay, hold on. Hi, Clarky. Were you sleeping? Oh, my goodness. Can you even? Look at this precious.

Kim Rapach (01:35:15.647)
I do want to see Clark.

Kim Rapach (01:35:24.218)
Oh my god, Clark.

Robyn Arouty (01:35:32.215)
Oh my god.

Kim Rapach (01:35:32.662)
Look at him, he's like, he knew the kisses were coming.

Robyn Arouty (01:35:36.264)
It's my happy place. I love him so much. I can't even.

Kim Rapach (01:35:38.962)
He's so cute. If there's somebody listening to this, you have to go to the YouTube and watch this part of the interview because Clark is freaking handsome. He's so cute. He's such a lover. You can tell that's his happy place to you can tell this is where like this is not the first time he's just like, yeah, hold me kiss me love. That's precious. Okay, I have another question.

Robyn Arouty (01:35:56.956)
Yeah, he's perfect. Yeah, no, this was what we do. Yeah. Okay. Oh, and he comes to therapy with me too. He sits on my therapist's lap and he listens to what I'm saying the whole entire time. He stays awake and like, yeah, just sits on her lap. And she gets her Clark therapy, she says. Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:36:10.143)
Oh nice!

Kim Rapach (01:36:16.526)
Oh, that's precious. That's so sweet. That's so sweet. He's precious. He is precious. Okay, so what would you say to someone who maybe wants to shift their career?

Robyn Arouty (01:36:26.464)
I love them so much.

Kim Rapach (01:36:35.21)
Maybe they want to go from painting to music or from being an accountant to being a painter or switching anything, maybe going from being on a big stage to a music studio or an art studio or something like calmer, smaller. What would you say?

Robyn Arouty (01:36:53.74)
pivot. Yeah. What would I say? Wow. Um.

Robyn Arouty (01:37:04.061)
You know.

Robyn Arouty (01:37:07.732)
We all have a terminal diagnosis.

Robyn Arouty (01:37:14.097)
So.

you like don't wait to start living if you have whispers and a desire or a motivation to like do something else turn your uh you know side hustle into a job or whatever like that's not by accident those are the whispers of your um

you know, meaning and purpose, like kind of coming through and like giving you, some people call it the higher self, right? Your inner child, like there were certain things that you like to do when you were a child before you decided to become a doctor or like, you know, whatever, because your parents thought blah, blah. That's another whole conversation, but

There's a reason that you have this desire to wanna go pivot. So get the support from a coach or a therapist or good, you know, loving friends who aren't gonna judge you or be negative about, you know, spend time with people who are gonna lift you up and support you, yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:38:36.115)
Yeah, I love that. And go for it.

Robyn Arouty (01:38:37.864)
And go for it. Oh, for sure, go for it. Right, Plucky?

Kim Rapach (01:38:41.254)
Okay, my next I have one more question. Well, two, but we'll finish it out on this. Um, what would you say as someone who like myself who has suffered in silence, who has suffered in the dark?

Robyn Arouty (01:38:46.937)
Okay.

Kim Rapach (01:38:58.034)
who is now here to talk about it and, you know, spread hope for other people, what would you say? How would you encourage someone? And of course we have two former therapists sitting here. We are not offering, you know, mental health advice, but how would you encourage someone who might be listening to this, who is suffering in silence?

Robyn Arouty (01:39:11.509)
Mm-mm.

Robyn Arouty (01:39:23.656)
I'm going to go back to something that I said before.

Robyn Arouty (01:39:29.516)
because it helped me in the beginning. This is not about speeding up to try to like, you know, you are a hamster on a wheel. That's why you feel like shit, okay? So what you've been doing hasn't been working. So the first thing to do is slow down, slow down. You know, one of my closest girlfriends a couple of weeks ago,

She's 65. She was in Maine with four college girlfriends doing vacation. And they had rented the e-bikes, electric bikes. Yeah. She had an accident and broke her neck. And so I get a text, I knew she was in Maine on vacation, and I get a text I sent, and she said,

This is going to be a really weird request, but I need to know can you pick me up from the airport on Tuesday and spend the night with me? Uh, Tuesday night. I'll explain later. So I got the pet sitter lined up and then I didn't know anything. So that night, she also hurt her knee.

So she couldn't even walk on it. And she's with the whole thing, and then she had the surgeon appointment the following day, and she just didn't wanna be by herself. And so before she knew, she wound up having to have surgery and stuff. But anyway, the point of this is, she lives in a three-story townhome. So everything, her friends came and set up all of the shit on the bottom floor.

for us to stay that night. Well she wanted to go up to the next floor because her dog stayed up there and was too afraid to come downstairs. Very shy, skittish dog. So on her butt she's like trying to get herself up the steps and then decided she really wanted to sleep in her own bed. So with the walk or the cane or whatever she is like it was like she was

Robyn Arouty (01:41:46.524)
She was trying to rush up the stairs. Like I'm behind her. I'm like, okay. And so literally she takes two steps and I was like, what are you doing? Will you slow down? Like what? And so anyway, this has been a conversation that we've had and obviously the universe is going to slow your ass down for you with an illness or an accident or something like that, because I truly believe that.

things will manifest in your body if you don't manage it.

Robyn Arouty (01:42:22.38)
And so yeah, slow down. No judging of yourself. Have compassion and patience and grace for what you're going through. Like your humaning, you know? Your human experience in this moment, it's just where you are. It's where you're supposed to be, and it's going to take you to the next level.

of your journey. So it's, I mean, that's the silver lining, isn't it? Like, because none of the good stuff is like easy. You got to do the hard work if you want something good, right? Yeah.

Kim Rapach (01:43:04.234)
Yeah, yeah, I love that. So Robin, you do commissioned artwork, right? Photography and painting. And you're in Houston. So how, if people wanna work with you, if they wanna find your work, if they wanna follow you, what's the easiest way for them to find you?

Robyn Arouty (01:43:13.982)
I do.

Robyn Arouty (01:43:17.797)
Mm-hmm.

Robyn Arouty (01:43:25.756)
I would say on Instagram at RobinRudy, so it's R-O-B-Y-N-A-R-O-U-T-Y, or on my website, robinrudy.com. Those are the two main places I like to hang out. Yeah. I'm on Facebook too.

Kim Rapach (01:43:41.354)
Okay. It's funny. I was thinking about that when I was messaging you because we, we have this weird like social. It's like a social climb, right? You meet like now you meet online.

And I don't mean like dating, but that's the thing too. But like we met on Instagram and then we upgraded to like, you know, DMs and then it was, then we exchanged phone numbers and now it's like, can you text me? And it's, you know, I had a couple of conversations yesterday with some people about that and it was like, oh, can you actually move this over to email? It's just weird like relational shifts and being with digital platform do we wanna talk on when we're all on all of them anyway.

Robyn Arouty (01:43:58.346)
Yeah.

Robyn Arouty (01:44:02.952)
Right.

Robyn Arouty (01:44:18.293)
Yeah.

I know.

protocol. I know it's funny. Yeah, but any number of ways, yeah, people can find me. Easy peasy.

Kim Rapach (01:44:27.696)
It's funny.

Kim Rapach (01:44:35.766)
All right. Well, I just want to, I just want to thank you for, you know, just saying yes to this invitation for sharing your very unique personal experience. And I know that it's going to touch people. I love your humor. I love your energy. I love what you're about. And you are a warrior. And I'm also grateful for your friendship. So thank you for being here.

Robyn Arouty (01:45:00.552)
I'm so grateful. Thank you for having me. This has been amazing.

Kim Rapach (01:45:06.346)
Absolutely. And we'll do it again.

Robyn Arouty (01:45:09.568)
Thank you.